Apple TV Redux



Don’t get us wrong: There’s nothing inherently wrong with Apple TV, especially if you buy into the entire iTunes ecosystem. But the mere fact that so many people buy the device with the intention of using ATV Flash or other methods to hack them should tell Apple something.

That “something” is that they want more content choices besides the iTunes Store and YouTube. XBMC and Boxee are both widely used on hacked Apple TVs in order for users to watch their own home-brewed content -- be it ripped from their DVD collection or acquired by “other means.” (We wouldn’t endorse nor have any knowledge of that, however.) Netflix has made great strides to latch onto every conceivable kind of hardware with their streaming service (now including all three major gaming systems), yet it remains closed to Apple TV for the most obvious of reasons -- Apple’s greed (or rather, arrogance that the iTunes Store and its “pay per download” model is the best way).

Expecting a new Apple TV may seem like a wildcard, but let’s not forget that the device hasn’t really, truly been refreshed in a looong time. It’s still running Tiger 10.4 Mac OS X, for God’s sake! Apple clearly wants to capture the living room and they’ve acknowledged that their first try didn’t quite cut it -- even dismissing the Apple TV as a “hobby” to the press. Entrenching themselves into customers’ living rooms should almost be a higher priority than that silly old tablet, we say.

Macquarium, Featuring iFish OS

Speaking of the living room, messy aquariums and accidentally overfeeding your aquatic pets will soon become a thing of the past, thanks to Apple’s latest home entertainment wonder, Macquarium. If you’ve enjoyed the multitouch fun of the 99-cent App Store favorite Koi Pond, prepare to have Apple totally blow your mind with the first completely computer-driven fish tank -- no water required!

Imagine a razor-thin, Jonathan Ive-designed, holographic fish tank that’s totally customizable thanks to its pared-down Mac OS X Snow Leopard 10.6 software interface. Fill Macquarium’s virtual tank with a wide variety of default "iFish" personally hand-picked by Steve Jobs himself, or use the included OceanMe software to customize the defaults and even create your own new fish -- whether they exist in real life or not! Of course, for the less-ambitious among us, additional fish will also be made available at the iFish Store, a new virtual market included as a feature of iTunes 10, with an SDK immediately available for download to all potential iFish OS developers.

Of course, Macquarium includes accelerometers to allow your fish tank to stand vertically or horizontally (let’s see your real fish tank do that!) and the multitouch screen includes a new “multi-dimensional” feature that allows you to actually reach inside the device to play with or feed your iFish, all without ever getting wet. Amuse your friends by bumping the side of the tank and watch those iFish come running at chow time!

Macquarium features a Mini DisplayPort jack so you can plug in your Apple laptop or desktop and use it as a convenient computer display when not in use, and includes a wireless 802.11 b/g/n network connection to sync with your iFish Store purchases. (Mac G4 Cube fish tank mod image courtesy of WalYou.com)

iRumors.apple.com



In an effort to single-handedly kill the rumor-blogging community that’s made their products such a hit in the past, Apple Inc. will finally announce next week that they’re going public with all of their ideas under one easy-to-find shingle -- the ultimate “one more thing” for Apple CEO Steve Jobs.

The Cupertino tech giant, finally backed into a corner by the Internet’s incessant digging for juicy trade secret nuggets to expose to the world prior to the launch of the Apple tablet, will launch the subdomain iRumors.apple.com as part of their strategy to give away all of their best (and worst!) future ideas, far in advance of the actual product launch and at long last, finally knock the wind out of our sails for all Apple events to come.

Apple had “no comment” regarding speculation that unemployment lines would be overloaded with former tech journalists & bloggers as a result of next week’s move.

iBaby

Sure, Apple might have dropped “Computer” from their name back in 2007, but that doesn’t mean that a lifelike, computerized baby wouldn’t be in the cards. After all, in these tough economic times, both parents have to work just to eke out a living, so who has time for making babies the old-fashioned way? Enter Apple’s new iBaby.

Your iBaby’s multitouch faux flesh will be perfect for tickling or stroking their lifelike hair, arriving complete with a pair of swanky new super-fast USB 3.0 ports for feeding your simulated baby with all the knowledge & dreams a real child would one day fail to retain (sorry, no Firewire here!). Also included is Mini DisplayPort for plugging iBaby into an external monitor (ideal for monitoring dreams and other brain activity that would cost thousands of dollars in real life) and of course, a standard headphone jack (which also doubles as an optical audio output) so you can enjoy your iPod playlists from the comfort of your stereo speakers. Of course, a Mute button comes standard with every iBaby, a must for all first-time parents.

iBaby’s chest will include an iPhone/iPod dock connection built-in, so you can keep up with the latest news, sports scores and information while you rock your little bionic tot to sleep -- and if the charming lil’ tike won’t go to sleep on their own, you always have the easy Sleep menu option that you’ve come to know & love in Mac OS X to simply knock that sucker right out.

Best of all, iBaby’s sleek unibody design has the option of giving a Steve Jobsian “Boom!” to take the guesswork out of those messy diaper changes, and the whole thing will run the latest & greatest Mac OS X Snow Leopard 10.6. Available as either male or female in Caucasian, African-American and Chinese models (with other races arriving in time for the holiday season in Q3 2010), your iBaby can easily swap personalities with a simple trip to the iTunes Store -- a handful of new ones will be available for only 99 cents each when the product hits stores in March.

Apple Air



As if to hammer home the point that Apple fanatics will buy virtually anything the company makes and love it unconditionally, Steve Jobs will announce a tiny clear plastic box next week, similar to the current diminutive casing that the iPod nano comes in. The contents of this package will make even the iPod shuffle look positively obese.

Called “Apple Air,” the packaging will contain absolutely nothing, save for the nitrogen and oxygen (aka, air) exhaled in the hallowed halls of the Apple Cupertino campus. The company will offer a variety of different Apple Air models, each indicated by the iPod nano-style color scheme of the packaging: One color for Steve Jobs’ office, another for the reception area, different colors for both Phil Schiller and Jonathan Ive’s offices -- the possibilities are endless.

Prices will start at $199 with the equivalent of 8GB of air space. Remember, you heard it here first!

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Did we miss anything that you’d like to see? Make your own predictions heard in the comments!