I know you're excited about Woz's upcoming appearance on "Dancing With the Stars," (premiering March 9 zomg!), and so am I. Seriously, I watch a lot of TV, and an embarrassing amount of that slo-mo train wreck known as reality TV. And although DWTS hasn't been on my Season Pass list before (how will I ever catch up?!?!), you know the addition of the ever-charming Woz will have me tuning in, like a nerd.

But then I got to thinking...what other reality shows would be made a million times more awesome with the addition of an Apple bigwig to the cast? Um, yeah, that would be all of them. Like these here. (Got more ideas? Comment away!)

Steve Jobs
"Survivor"

Look, it's no question that El Jobso would be a natural for "Survivor," and not just because he is an actual survivor, having beaten pancreatic cancer. He's definitely outwitted, outplayed, and outlasted in his professional career -- his triumphant return to Apple, the sweet, sweet deal he got for Pixar? Come on!

And as someone who's watched every season of "Survivor," I can tell you he's got the charismatic leader thing down as well as any of the show's winners. The guy's got the genius of Yul plus the toughness of Tom and the coolness of Earl, all wrapped up in a sassy black turtleneck. (That's another thing! Sensible clothing! No wearing a suit for 39 days for him, although we'd recommend pants that dry a little quicker than Levi's, in case he has to wrestle an alligator or something.) Can't you just see him putting the Reality Distortion Field on the jury members at the final tribal council? They don't stand a chance.

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Tim Cook
"Top Chef"

If Apple were a restaurant, Steve Jobs would probably be the owner or maitre d' -- something high profile, front of the house, out in the spotlight. Chief Operations Officer Tim Cook would be in the back, firmly in charge, making sure the products being delivered -- the food, duh -- lived up to the high standards and creative vision that keeps the diners coming back for more.

Tim handles the company's "worldwide sales and operation, including end-to-end management of Apple's supply chain," which frankly sounds a lot harder than, say, opening a restaurant overnight in the famous "Top Chef" Restaurant Wars challenge. So if he can oversee the creation of technical wonderproducts like the iPhone, iPod, and those computers Apple also makes, I bet he could whip up some tasty fois gras nachos with bacon foam, prepared in 10 minutes using only a single propane burner. Plus, um, his last name is Cook. So there's that.

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Jonathan Ive
"Top Design"

Apple's senior vice president of industrial design has already won numerous design awards -- the dude was named Royal Designer for Industry by the Royal Society of the Arts! That sounds impressive, having two "royals" in there like that. So it's a no-brainer to let his talents crush all comers on "Top Design," a competition for interior designers.

Although Ive is one of the more mysterious members of Apple's upper-uppers, it's cool -- "Top Design" is a little boring as a show, so he'd totally stand out, class it up, and keep everyone (OK, especially Apple geeks) capitvated. Plus, don't you want to see how he'd incorporate touchscreens, clickwheels, and iSights into the ultimate living room?

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Scott Forstall
"Big Brother"

Scott is the senior vice president of iPhone software, and he would completely rule on "Big Brother," no questions asked. First he'd write some crazy iPhone software that can remotely control all 9 million cameras installed around the "Big Brother" house. Then he'd hack into the control room's operating system to delete any unflattering footage (like there would be any -- the man is good looking and that's all there is to it), and then just for kicks he'd overhaul the "Big Brother" website's horrible UI. And that's just on the first day. Hopefully being surrounded by more typical "Big Brother" contestants won't cause Scott's big old brain to shrivel and die...

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Phil Schiller
"The Amazing Race"

Phil is the senior vice president of worldwide product marketing -- that's WORLDWIDE, my friends. Who knows how many languages this man can speak, what kind of air-travel ninja skills he possesses, or how beloved he is by the indiginous peoples of Burkina Faso or wherever he's sent by Phil Keoghan on the rrrrrrace around the world.

OK, and check out those guns in the picture. Plus, after the way he rocked Apple's last Macworld Expo keynote ever, don't you think he'd fly through whatever Road Blocks and Detours the show could throw at him?

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Katie Cotton
"Deal or No Deal"

Katie Cotton at Macworld Expo 2007; Creative Commons-licensed image by Violet Blue.

Sure, it's more of a game show, but Katie's got game. As Apple's vice president of worldwide corporate communications, she's the main gatekeeper between a world that can't get enough inside info on Apple's products and business, and the tight-lipped company itself. This kind of tightrope act would make her an excellent "Deal or No Deal" contestant: all business, not prone to embarrassing bursts of emotion, and able to shut down Howie Mandell's incessant yammering with a steely "No comment," while she quietly goes about the business of "no-dealing" every crappy offer, bringing the banker to his knees, and winning the million without breaking a sweat.

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Bertrand Serlet
"American Idol"

Honestly? I adore his charming French accent and think he'd have a lovely singing voice. And that's it.