I’ve never been big into MMOs. I don’t want to pay a subscription and the hanging carrot gameplay and ominous warnings from friends (“promise me you’ll never play an MMO”) made them sound less than appealing. So when I heard Gameloft was making a World of Warcraft spinoff (which you can get here), I didn’t really care.
My only previous experience with MMOs was a long time ago. While I loved it, I had since parted ways with the huge world and didn’t intend on returning. But then I read about how Order and Chaos had made like a trillion dollars in four seconds, and I knew what had to be done.
I had to go back.
Not literally, thank God. But after a few minutes of pondering the races (the Skeletal Undead, fat martians Ogres, Humans, and Elves) the choice was clear. I would make the baddest of all elves. With blue skin.
But first I had to try out different color combinations. Green with red hair was a little too “Christmas Elf.”
The name “Legolas” was taken and “Wizardly Smith” wouldn’t fit, so I went to my fallback – NicFoSho – and began my journey.
But instantly, I was taken aback with what I saw… Elves ran rampant like human babies at a Baby Gap. Everyone was playing as the Elves. Some had fashionable armor and glowing swords. I was wearing a potato sack. I had a lot of work ahead of me.
Some were even wearing the same potato sack as me...
As is tradition in every good MMO, I spent the first few hours fighting Wild Hogs. They weren’t much of a challenge, but the bacon wasn’t going to make itself.
Too bad I wasn’t fighting the John Travolta movies.
I hadn’t gained many levels in this time, so I decided to reevaluate my play style. That’s when I found out about quests. Obvious, right?
I took so many quests I made my Elvish head spin. I was doing everything for everyone. I was the errand boy for the entire universe.
Between quests I collected Bronze. Quite the fun life I had.
No, not my real one. That one was long gone. In my attempts to level up faster, I pleaded with my online friends, the NPC shop keepers, even strangers. Life had lost its luster. Not even mining for bronze seemed fun any more. My guild (fittingly named “EXILE”) kicked me out. Everyone just laughed at my desperate pleads for more gold.
Nobody took me seriously. Nobody would pay attention to me. Where were my friends?!
After slaying a few thousand Forest Boars I had finally accumulated enough money and experience to wear some cool armor. I strutted around town with my tough leather outfit and cute manly boots. I took snapshots everywhere and had an awesome modeling experience. Took this totally wicked picture of my Elf posed. No biggie.
Yeah, it’s cool. I know.
But I realize some people have even cooler pictures, and I can’t handle that. I'm taking a mortgage out on my real-life house so I can buy a new shield. If you think you have an even better picture of your character in Order and Chaos, upload it here. The coolest character will get a loud shout-out in next week’s Game Time and who knows, maybe I’ll throw you some in-game bacon.
So that’s how I managed to become completely addicted to Order and Chaos. Maybe I’ll update it in weeks coming, but it’s really more likely you’ll never hear from me again. I’ll be in Order and Chaos, expensing in-app purchases so fast, it’ll make the creators of Smurfberries blush.
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