Editor's Blog: Susie's "Comcast Is the Devil" Rant
Posted 03/07/2007 at 7:40pm
| by Susie Ochs

Comcast, you're killing me.
Let me set the scene. My Internet isn't working, and at first I'm not sure why. Already ranting in my own brain, I turn to my Belkin N1 router. But after checking the connections, fiddling with the setup options, and of course rebooting, that wasn't it. The router wasn't getting a signal from the cable modem, a Motorola model I bought for about $80 when I subscribed to Comcast High-Speed Internet three years ago.
So I check the connections to that, reboot, and give it a little pep talk. Nothing. The lights come on briefly as the modem powers up, but then all go out but the standby light. Yep, this modem's toast. Which sets of internal rant #2. How come things don't last anymore? Like Roman's cell phone, or the VCR my parents have had for the last 20 years? By this time I'd been without Internet at home (except for my neighbor's unsecured Wi-Fi) for about three days, so I was as cranky as a toddler who'd missed her nap as I went to Best Buy for a new cable modem. Virtually every trip I made to Best Buy results in about six internal rants, but this was mercifully uneventful. Sure, they only had ONE model of cable modem, but luckily it was on Comcast's list of approved devices. Oh, joy. I drop another 80 bucks and shuffle out, muttering darkly. Oh, and the 24-inch iMacs on display looked gorgeous. But that's neither here nor there.
OK, so back at home, I set up the cable modem, connect to my iMac via Ethernet, and call Comcast to inform them of the new MAC address. Which I only knew to do because Roman told me I had to...the "Welcome to Comcast High-Speed Internet" page that my browsers would display no matter what URL I typed in were no help at all, nor were the Comcast support pages. After being on hold for 30 minutes, I was hung up on. WTF?!?! So I hop on my neighbor's Wi-Fi network (good thing I had brought an extra computer home from the office that I could use to look things up while I was troubleshooting the iMac's connection...although I wonder what I'd done if I didn't work for the awesomest Mac magazine around) and start a chat session with a Comcast support tech named Jimi. I explained the problem, gave him the MAC address, and 10 minutes later, my Internet just started to work. This actually seemed to surprise the heck out of Jimi, which should have been a red flag, but he said I was all set. I put on Band of Gypsies to celebrate his competence.
'Cept the next day...it's not working again. Same Welcome Page of Complete Crap, same problem reaching a human on the phone. So I fire up the borrowed MacBook Pro and start another chat. This time I get Mark. Told him, yeah, do you need my MAC address again? He says that the server had picked up the MAC address, so "something else is going on here." We start to perform an elaborate ballet of IP checking, restarting, and downloading some installation software -- which, of course, was an HQX file, not a SIT... Mark: "You're using a Mac?" Yeah, dude, I told you that three times by now. Anyway, so this software installs INTERNET EXPLORER 5 on my beautiful iMac, but the registration page he's trying to get me to? Still won't load. IE5. I swear. (Literally.)
Then Mark The Comcast Tech asks, "For your security, what is the exact amount of your last payment?" Interesting development. Too bad I can't tell you that immediately since I pay my bills on the Internet. I lamely offer "133...something?" and open a new Firefox window to look up the cents part on my bank's website. Big mistake, because when I come back, my chat window with Mark has closed abruptly. Time elapsed during this first chat: 45 minutes. Progress: None.
I immediately start a new chat, hoping for Mark again. Nope, this time I get John. John is, I must say, a jerk. He starts by totally contradicting everything Mark has said. The server doesn't have my MAC address, it never did, the installation software is worthless (finally, we agree), and he can't/won't do anything about it. He tells me to call. I explain that I already have 45 minutes invested in this chat, and I've been disconnected from TWO phone calls in TWO days. John doesn't care. Now I know by this time I was frustrated, but he was a jerk! I'm asking about the MAC address some more, since both Jimi and Mark said that the server was getting it, but he's already ditched me with an infuriating "Thanks for contacting Comcast, goodbye." Time elapsed (nay, wasted) on both useless chat sessions: 1 hour.
Back to the phone. I get someone at a call center (never caught his name) after being on hold 20 minutes. Start over with the explanations. Back on hold. I wish I had a satisfying answer for what the big to-do was, but the phone tech spared me the gory details. Actually, he spared me EVERY detail, choosing instead to take me on and off of hold for another 85 MINUTES, broken up by some feeble "Ma'am? Sorry it's taking so long. Please hold," every once in a while. Finally, he tells me to restart the modem and the computer. Since one of Comcast's support pages I'd looked at gave very detailed instructions for the order in which everything must be restarted (i.e., shut down the Mac, unplug the modem, wait 1 minute, plug in the modem, turn on the Mac, turn yourself about, and so on), I ask him politely "Do I have to restart the modem before restarting the Mac?" and he totally snaps at me, "I SAID TO RESTART THEM BOTH, DIDN'T I?" Sheesh. (His snippiness wasn't in my head, either. I had the dude on speakerphone the whole time, my finace heard everything, and I think I saw smoke coming out of his ears by this point.) After a couple rounds of The Restart Dance, it was fixed.
Now I'm afraid to hook the router back up, but I do have the Internet again. Thanks, Comcast. San Francisco cannot get its citywide Wi-Fi network up and running fast enough. Then I'll ditch the cable, rely on a dish or just downloads for my TV content, and never pay Comcast another penny. Actually, on further examination, I may be able to take part in Meraki Networks' free wireless service, as I live right in the middle of their target area. Watch this space for updates on whether I can get it to work and finally kick Comcast to the curb.
Wow, I feel so much better now.