If you haven’t heard by now, late Wednesday Apple announced that they would be holding a press conference this Friday, July 16 at 10am PDT (that’s 1pm for those on the East Coast). All we know is that the topic of discussion is the iPhone 4, which has lit up the Internet with speculation as to exactly what Cupertino may discuss. MacLife.com has decided to throw our own hat into the ring!

The fact that Apple has chosen a Friday to hold a press conference to discuss something about the iPhone 4 has many folks pretty sure the main focus will be on the handset’s well-documented “death grip” (i.e., signal attenuation issues) -- especially because in the PR world, it’s best to address bad news on a Friday. Here are the most likely scenarios, including a few less likely that we’d personally like to see.

Product Recall

Thus far, it seems like the assumed topic of conversation may be a recall of the iPhone 4 to address the “death grip” issue. Even though Apple has passed it off as a “non-issue” and prescribed a Bumper or case as a remedy for users who complain, the problem continues to be one of public perception. The widely held opinion is that a simple software patch to address how many bars of signal are displayed (which Apple has already promised) is not going to make this issue go away.

The question, then, is what form a recall might take -- from the most extreme case of swapping out every iPhone 4 sold thus far (which could reportedly cost Apple upwards of $1.5 billion) to a voluntarily recall, letting the most vocal whiners swap their hardware so the rest of us can stop having to hear about it. In either case, Apple may have egg on their face over the issue for the forseeable future, but in the long term they’ll probably walk away unscathed, as long as they address the issue soon.

iOS 4.0.1

Apple released an iOS 4.1 beta on Wednesday prior to announcing their Friday press conference, but given the developer-only status of that software, it’s likely to be many weeks before it sees the light of day on actual users’ handsets. Given the high-profile nature of the company’s promised software patch for the signal display problem, Apple may want to put a positive PR spin on its release in an effort to curtail the problem. There are already rumors swirling from a Greek website that iOS 4.0.1 may be released as early as Thursday, so stay tuned.

Jedi Mind Trick (or, “Nothing to See Here”)

Remember that scene in Star Wars when Ben Kenobi waves his hand in front of the Stormtrooper and says, “These are not the Droids you’re looking for”? Apple CEO Steve Jobs already has a well-oiled “reality distortion field” in place during his keynote speeches, similarly erasing our will to resist any cool new product he introduces.

Since Apple’s public response to the “death grip” PR nightmare -- including Jobs’ own responses to e-mail inquiries on the same -- have yet to make things go away, it’s possible that the company intends to send the CEO out to take center stage, wave his hand and make this problem go away, Obi-Wan style, without spending nary a dime. If you don’t believe us, come back tomorrow after the press conference and re-read this article to have your mind blown.

Free Bumpers for All

Another likely scenario to make the bad press go away is for Apple to give every iPhone 4 buyer a free Bumper case. Wall Street -- who usually takes drama such as the “death grip” by chipping away at a company’s stock price -- has been unusually ho-hum about the bad press that Apple’s getting of late, and some analysts have even suggested that handing out free Bumpers might make the problem go away quietly. After all, if Apple’s “solution” thus far is to slap a case on the handset or hold it differently, why not just give out the Bumper in the first place, since it probably costs next to nothing to make?

Blame It All on AT&T

“Everyone already hates AT&T, we’ll just say it’s their fault!” Although that’s not likely to appease anyone for very long, everyone’s favorite telco punching bag could have to take one for the team short-term. Perhaps Steve Jobs will drag out an AT&T engineer or two at the press conference to explain to folks all the technical mumbo-jumbo that goes into cell phone reception. You know, sort of like throwing gasoline on a fire -- you’ll be temporarily blinded by the flash and heat as AT&T engineers drone on about why your iPhone 4 isn’t actually defective, and when the fire dies down again, you’ll just be glad it didn’t burn you in the process.

Cash Money, Y’All

Remember way back in 2007 when Apple dropped the price of the original iPhone after only a few months on the market? For many folks who stood in line all day and paid full price for that sucker, it was like a kick in the teeth, but Apple responded swiftly to calm the masses by giving those early adopters a $100 credit. You know what happened next: The whining ceased.

In lieu of handing out free Bumpers, we could see Apple throw money at the problem. How much is enough to make you shut up about it? $29 so you can buy your own Bumper or put it toward the case of your choice? $50? $100? Even more? With class action lawsuits already brewing, payola might be the only way for Apple to make this problem go away.

Public Flogging of Consumer Reports Testers

You know what we haven’t seen much these days? A good old public flogging! With all the back and forth that Consumer Reports has done in the last couple weeks over the iPhone 4 -- first saying there’s no problem, then saying they can’t recommend it because of the problem, then recommending it anyway -- we wouldn’t blame Apple for wanting to tar and feather those testers. Bring them on stage in manacles and let’s get some old-school public humiliation going! It might not solve any alleged problem with the handset, but it sure would be fun to watch.

We’re Getting Out of the Phone Business

The least likely -- and most extreme -- scenario is that Apple will decide it doesn’t like the fact that the public is whining so much about its latest creation, so it will take its ball and go home. That is, flip us all the bird and get out of the cell phone business altogether! After all, Jobs and Company have gone on record touting the iPhone 4 as the best they’ve ever built, so if they can’t make us see things their way, then the heck with us all.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Verizon Wireless

While it wouldn’t make the “death grip” go away completely, Apple’s best PR move at this point is probably to distract us by announcing that AT&T’s exclusive is over and signing a deal with a second wireless carrier in the U.S. -- presumably with a slightly updated iPhone 4 hardware that “magically” fixes the signal attenuation problem, of course.

The only problem with this change of subject? There’s likely thousands of former Verizon customers who just probably got tired of waiting and caved in, buying an iPhone 4 and signing with the Devil (that would be AT&T) for the next two years. Apple would have to appease them in some way, or risk a potentially worse situation than the one they’re already facing over the “death grip.”

Relax, It’s Just a Phone

Remember Apple’s sideline PR mess recently, when Steve Jobs supposedly told a disgruntled iPhone 4 customer to “Relax, it’s just a phone” via e-mail? The company may have denied those e-mails came from their CEO -- a claim which the likes of Boy Genius Report hotly dispute -- but this wouldn’t be a bad time for Jobs to put some of his Buddhist tactics to work. Come on stage with some Zen Buddhism, Fake Steve Jobs style, and let’s all just chill out and relax. After all, it really is just a phone. Namaste!

And what about you, dear readers? Any predictions as to what Jobs and Company might have up their sleeve for Friday? Chime in with your comments below!

Follow this article’s author, J.R. Bookwalter on Twitter