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Recently, rumors circulated that Apple was in negotiations to purchase Twitter. Recently, Google was turned away by the bird-loving service, according to sources. The chances that these negotiations are actually going on are pretty slim. Well, that's what I believe. I also believed that Wasabi Funyuns were so delicious, they would never go away.
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The reason question is: What would Apple do with Twitter? It doesn't fit into their ecosystem. Twitter doesn't actually make money, and as far as I know, Steve Jobs isn't Twittering. Sure, it's fun to think that Steve is sitting around his mansion sending tweets about how there isn't anything worth watching on daytime TV. But I'm pretty sure that ain't gonna happen.
So I've come up with a list of things Apple could spend its money on, instead of dropping $750 million on Twitter. The first one was going to be the "Buy Robbie Awesome Stuff Fund," but that seemed a bit selfish. Some of these would make sense for the company and its current ecosystem, others are things that are, well let's just say, a one-way ticket to good times.
Boxee - We love Boxee; it unlocks the true potential of the Apple TV. If Apple has a hole burning in its pocket and just needs to buy something, why not Boxee? Sure, Linux and Windows users will cry about how Boxee has stopped being supported on their OS of choice. To that I say meh. With Boxee integration, the Apple TV just got 100 times cooler.
Hulu - There's a small problem with the Boxee acquisition -- Hulu's ongoing struggle to stop working on Boxee. Try as they might, Hulu videos are still available in Boxee thanks to the persistent Boxee developers. Let's just take care of this problem with a big wad of cash. Plus, this will hopefully speed up the rumored Hulu app being developed for the iPhone. Oh, and the purchase will really piss off the NBS-Universal executives, which is a charming bonus.
Nintendo - The Nintendo-Apple super company buyout is one of those old-school rumors that harkens back to the days of Sony buying Apple. Or was it Apple buying Sony? It really doesn't matter. What does matter is that both companies are riding high on their lack-of-color technological wonders. Doesn't the Nintendo Wii look nice next to the Mac mini? It's like a dairy exploded on your desk! The real reason I think Apple should buy the Japanese company is because I really want to play Mario Kart on the iPhone. I don't always have my Nintendo DS with me, and if I want to slide around a few corners while tossing red turtles at Luigi, I'm hosed. Plus, controlling my Mac with the Wii Fit will help get rid of my gut.
TiVo - Besides our love of all things Apple, most of the Mac|Life staff loves their TiVos. The ones that don't love TiVo don't have it. We pity those editors and their sub-par DVRs. Anyways, TiVo, while great, hasn't had a substantial update to it's software, well, ever. Plus, we'll admit it, the TiVo interface isn't exactly "zippy" when you're delving beyond the core features. Throw some Apple developers at that thing and watch it shine. If you're wondering what Apple will do with Apple TV if it acquires TiVo? Well I'm glad you asked ::badoop badoop:: ::badoop:: and that's how it'll work.
Adam Savage - OK, you can't actually buy Adam Savage. At least, I'm pretty sure you can't. Instead, they can give the guy a ton of cash to become their new keynote frontman. Steve has been handing it over to the rest of the Apple executives more and more during the keynotes. Phil and Tim seem like nice guys, but truthfully, they're not Steve Jobs. Adam, on the other hand, is a huge Apple geek and a great public speaker. Check out his TED talk. Who knew building a dodo would be so intriguing?! Bonus: when Adam says boom, something could actually blow up!
Intel - Apple bought a chip company, then they hired some chip-making dudes. I'm expecting to see Apple executives at the local Fry's buying soldering guns and blank circuit boards. Come on, guys, quit screwing around and just buy Intel. Both companies are fans of product code names and together they can finally make a super-chip that won't burn your lap when you use your MacBook Pro.
An Army of T-shirt Cannons - Steve announces a new device, and Apple employees appear with T-shirt cannons and shoot said new device into the crowd. Hell, while they're at it, get some pyrotechnics up there. A few fireworks will certainly make every keynote the Best Keynote Ever!
California - Maybe you haven't heard, but California is in dire need of some cash. Apple has trash cans filled with $100 bills all over their campus. True story, I got the intel from a friend of a guy that works on the vending machines at Apple. It's a buyers' market out there, and Apple might as well strike while the iron is hot. We're not saying it's going to be a bed of roses: In the months leading up to a California keynote, we'll all be expected to cut off all communications with friends and family outside of the state. But it's a small price to pay when we introduce the new California state park, available in 8-acre and 16-acre versions.
Canada - Okay, maybe California is a little out of Apple's price range. Considering Apple's push to be percieved as a greener company, you can't get any greener than Canada. It's got trees, bears, trees, Rush, and hockey. Canada rocks! Apple could purchase our neighbors to the north and enjoy all the benefits of being a Canadian-staffed company. It's working for Molson, so why not Apple?
MacRumors.com - What better way to control the flow of information than to control a respected rumor site? Apple would have to keep the purchase secret in order to keep information coming out of MacRumors legit. Plus, Arnold Kim is a doctor, and who couldn't use an extra doctor on staff?
Bonus company:
Frito Lay - I want my Wasabi Funyuns, and I'm sure Steve and Co. could bring them back. Seriously, those things were delicious.
Got a plan for Apple's money? Drop it in the comments.
benet
November 10, 2009 at 10:18pm
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lora.a
October 09, 2009 at 6:29pm
agree with the points... there are more interesting things to do than buying something uncertain...
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roystonlodge
June 03, 2009 at 10:48am
Apple should buy www.itunesregistry.com. It actually IS for sale, and it's very inexpensive, and it would be fun if it was integrated directly into iTunes. It's really a no-brainer.
Last.fm would also be a good fit.
bevanryken
May 20, 2009 at 4:59am
I wish they could buy New Zealand! Apple could use NZ as a testing ground before releasing into the world!
... but in reality, I think they would (in my opinion) avoid purchasing any of the above and excell towards a direction that has more impact in society whether it is to do with social or economic activity. A lot of the options above are things that the Apple could, or can do by themselves. They already have the personell & intelligence for both hardware and software, and could basically improve their own hardware & media platform by "taking notes" from the likes of Boxee, Hulu, Adobe etc. to advance their own products such as Apple Tv /iTunes / iLife / Appeture & Final Cut.
Their cloud computing with me.com / iWork / iLife / seems to be a direction of interest with a variety of platforms, and linking with other software / hardware platforms, so maybe it could be in their interests of something larger such as a communication company, or, an Apple version of the internet! Now wouldn't that be nice!
... yeah, buying New Zealand seems more realistic than all that ranting I just mentioned before!
dbrannan
May 11, 2009 at 10:17am
A quick look at Adobe's stock price and Apple could have it all for less than 7-9 billion. Apple could then control flash, photoshop, all the best web development tools, and more. Apple could package select Adobe apps with every new mac, offer advanced features on the Apple platform (offer crippled version for Windows), and have complete control over all the best creative software.Think of the options!
SpaceTrucker
May 09, 2009 at 4:42pm
I heard Motorola was up for sale... Be nice to have a sim card in my next iMac...AT&T would make a good purchase as well, then they could dictate how their iPhones get their service, maybe we'd finally see the IPTV we've heard was the next wave of entertainment...It would seem Google would make a good merging partner, otherwise I would suggest them...Microsoft... Wouldn't that be ironic...Elgato, then make a real tuner... One that "just works"... (Not that it doesn't already but, that it doesn't "just work" with the new digital revolution.)Saitek or Razor and make some real keyboards/mice again...Creative... They do need to work on the sound some as well... (When was the last time Apple addressed sound quality... the 50's?!?)I hear Chevy and Dodge are for sale, maybe get that whole iCar thing off the ground?!?Need I go on?
greedyhands
May 08, 2009 at 11:45pm
Okay, now I know this is a fantasy wish list, but I will have to say it is way off. First of all lets be honest here. The last thing I would ever want is for Apple to buy Boxee or Hulu. Apple makes great hardware, good software, and fantastic business decisions over the past ten years. If Apple bought Boxee or Hulu, the first thing they would do is shut them down.
Hulu is competition to the iTunes store on three fronts; movies, TV Shows, and rentals. If I could watch free TV shows on Hulu, why on earth would I pay $3 or more for a TV show from iTunes? I wouldn't, and I don't. That makes Apple upset because it is one less avenue in which they can make money. That's understandable and they should have competition with these companies. I don't want Apple to own the competition because then there wouldn't be any competition.
Also, if you haven't noticed, boxee is not necessarily something Apple wants running on Apple TV. It allows me to view all of the torrents I have downloaded for free as opposed to viewing only content I have purchased through iTunes. I'm sorry Apple, I already paid you $2700.00 for my iMac, $180 for my Airport extreme, $99 each for three Airport Expresses, $200 for an Apple TV and so on for the countless Apple products I have because I believe they make great products that they back up with excellent warranties, but I refuse to pay more for services I do not need because I can obtain a better quality product through more inexpensive means.
I buy Apple's hardware because it is rock solid and so is their operating system. I also am a fan of their fantastic customer support. But the buck stops there for me. I do not need the iTunes store, nor do I like the fact that while PC companies are making media servers that can play .avi and other files like that, Apple still refuses to do so because of the franchise it has in selling movies and television shows.
So please, Apple, do not buy Boxee or Hulu, because we all know you would only ruin it for everyone by getting rid of a wonderful, open source program, and the web site that is quite frankly the model for the future of television.
Moadib
May 07, 2009 at 9:54pm
I don't get all this love for Boxee, hasn't Plex been around for longer and is a much better product?
Having tried Boxee I couldn't understand the love people had for it. The interface seemed much more convoluted and a lot less straight forward, like a media center should be. Well that and the fact that plex is a lot more stable, having been in development for quite a bit more time.
ilikeimac
May 07, 2009 at 5:59pm
When Gary Rosenzweig of MacMost.com asked this question yesterday on Twitter (http://www.twitter.com/rosenz) I suggested Drobo and Dropbox. I would love to see Drobo smarts integrated into Mac Pros and XServes, and Drobo could stand to learn a few things from Apple about customer service. Drobox (getdropbox.com) is what iDisk should have been on day one. (BTW, Gary suggests Apple buy Facebook: http://macmost.com/why-apple-should-buy-facebook.html)
BTW, every time I hear folks sing the praises of Boxee I'm frustrated that Plex (plexapp.com) doesn't get more press. Boxee is fine for Apple TVs but if you have a full-fledged Mac (like a Mac Mini) connected to your TV you should definitely have a look at Plex, either instead of or in addition to Boxee. Plex's main advantage is in managing your Movie and TV collection; it automatically grabs gorgeous artwork and other metadata about your library from the internet and gives you some really stunning interfaces. Also, it doesn't require an account with anybody, hence you can still use it without an internet connection.
lukeforester1
May 07, 2009 at 3:02pm
Not only could they make specially suited super-chips for their computers, but they could refuse to sell processors to PC companies, almost completely wiping out the inferior technology that is a windows computer (unless its a mac running windows)! Macs would rule the world!!!!!! MUHAHAHAHA!
Maya
May 07, 2009 at 12:03pm
Why not buy Montana? Heck of a lot cheaper then either Canada or California.
Roberto Baldwin
May 07, 2009 at 12:20pm
Yeah, I've learned not to mess with Montana.
That's all I can say...
Ray Aguilera
May 07, 2009 at 11:35am
Adam Savage FTW! Although Canada would be awesome, too. I'd be all about poutine and Rush at the WWDC keynote.
Cananito
May 07, 2009 at 8:23am
Some of those you listed there are actually good ideas, but Apple buying Twitter would be cool imo.
