In case you haven’t heard, Apple is sitting on a literal mountain of cash these days -- piled $40 billion high. Which got us thinking: What could they spend it on?

Apple announced to shareholders in late February that the company was practically surrounded by cold hard cash from its very profitable products and services. CEO Steve Jobs told investors that a $40 billion stockpile gives Apple “security and flexibility,” but at the same time he said that now was the time for the company to “think big” and take “big, bold risks” with that security to drive the stock price even higher.

Steve, your pals at MacLife.com have some great ideas for you, so pull up your iPad (we know you’re using one!) and try to wrap your mind around what we have to offer. And hey, you don’t have to pay us for these ideas -- free Apple products for the rest of our lives will be payment enough.

Jobszilla Stomps Tokyo

While there’s no denying that Sony made the best home electronics through most of the ‘70s and ‘80s, somehow they lost their way over the last decade or two. But the company has plenty of great assets that Apple could tap into and make even greater, such as a robust catalog of film and television programming. While many feel that the Playstation 3 is the weakest of all the game systems out there, could you imagine what Apple might do with it in their hands? Cupertino might finally have a serious chance to crack into the living room in a big way.

Apple-Themed iPark

Things just haven't been the same since the lose of the Icon Garden at Apple hedquarters. To fill the void left by the loss, Apple could throw some money into an Apple Theme park. Imagine the joy of riding the Mac Pro roller coaster or taking a spin on the tilt-a-iPod. And finally, who could resist Mr. Jobs wild ride? We've already got the kids ready to get their pictures taken with Clarus the Dogcow. MOOF!

Get The Beatles on iTunes, Finally!

Steve Jobs has already gone on record as saying they’re one of his favorite bands. Heck, he basically named his “little” (at the time) computer company after the band’s own label! While most people are sick and tired of the “will they or won’t they” rumors about The Beatles finally coming to iTunes, we figure if Steverino really wanted to make it happen, $40 billion in the bank should go a long way toward making that a reality. So let’s get the band’s people in a room with Apple’s people and a big pile of cash and make it happen at long last, what do you say?

TiVo Your Way Into the Living Room

Everyone knows TiVo -- heck, even people who don’t even own a TiVo unit often refer to it by name when recording their favorite TV show (e.g., “I’ll just TiVo it.”). But despite having superior technology and brand recognition over its satellite and cable brethren, their very existence seems to currently hang on patent settlements with Dish Network rather than actual sales of their product. Apple could swoop in and add iPhone OS to their devices and finally invade the living room in the way they’ve been looking to do for a long time.

Sue Everyone, Crazy Style

Why stop with their current HTC and Nokia patent battles? Apple could go absolutely nuts and sue anyone and everyone who’s ever “borrowed” one of their ideas, just to keep throwing their money at attorneys and freak out the competition. What good is money in the bank if you can’t get freaky with it, anyway? Maybe Apple could even reopen the old “Mac vs. Windows” wound and give suing Microsoft another go -- after all, things haven’t exactly gotten any better in the copycat department with Windows 7, now have they?

Start “The Macintosh Fund”

If Bill Gates can quit Microsoft to do charitable work, why shouldn’t Steve Jobs use Apple’s newfound stash of cash to do some philanthropic work of his own? Instead of giving cold, hard cash for worthy causes, perhaps Apple can hand out Mac computers for worthy causes. Now that would likely be a nice kick in the pants for the old Mac market share, wouldn’t it?

Revenge Is Sweet: Crush Palm

We hear you: Why does Apple, who’s already a smartphone leader with the iPhone, need to buy another smartphone company? Everyone seems to think that Palm is on life support as it is, what with their WebOS Pre and Pixi devices not quite setting the world on fire just yet. However, Palm has a few unique features in WebOS that Apple’s programmers could learn a trick or two about, such as push e-mail on all accounts and an excellent, non-intrusive push notification system. If that’s not enough, how about just doing it for blind, stinking revenge? After all, current CEO Jon Rubinstein was formerly an Apple guy who helped make the iPod what it is today -- buying Palm would be like killing two birds with one stone by tossing Jonny boy back into retirement for good and squashing the currently low-hanging fruit in the smartphone world. Oh, and what sweet revenge for Palm trying to hack their way into iTunes compatibility...

Find a Mountain and Carve the Two Steves Onto It

Everyone knows Mount Rushmore, but why stop with dead Presidents? For no other reason than simply because you can, buy up an empty plot of real estate with a nice slab of rock on the side of it and get some artists carving the likeness of Apple’s founders, Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak, on that sucker. Stick the biggest and best Apple Store yet at the foot of that mountain and you’ve got all the ingredients for an awesome mecca that Apple fanboys the world over will be tripping over themselves to visit. We’ll buy a few tickets for the staff right now!

Make Jeff Zucker Your... Well you know.

NBC Universal CEO Jeff Zucker was one of the most outspoken critics of Apple’s iTunes Store, which culminated with Apple dropping popular NBC shows such as The Office off the store over a pricing dispute. While it all eventually got worked out (and mostly in Apple’s favor), NBC is faltering in the TV ratings and the whole deck of cards doesn’t seem quite as stable as it used to. For many of the same reasons as we cited for buying Sony, Apple could step right up and be a media conglomerate practically overnight -- and while they’re at it, Steve Jobs should take his Disney shares, absorb that company and make it one huge media empire under Apple’s control.

One-Up Bill Gates and Buy Two Islands

When you have as much money as Bill Gates, it gets hard to come up with ways to spend it all. Last summer, the former Microsoft chief announced his plans to buy up the Greek isle of Skorpios for a mere 120 million Euros. That’s like chicken feed for Apple, who could buy at least two islands and barely have the accountants break a sweat. The real question is, would they name one of them “iIsland”? God forbid…

Finance Feature Films or TV Shows

Apple has already “starred” in countless number of films and television shows over the years, with various versions of the iMac, MacBook, iPod and iPhone (among them) showing up on screens both big and small. But what if Apple decided to start creating their own content instead? Hollywood is creatively bankrupt anyway, and audiences are throwing their money at an endless parade of flashy, CGI-driven spectacles, despite the fact that they have more plot holes than Swiss cheese. We’d like to see Steve Jobs step into those pitch meetings and sprinkle some of his magic Pixar fairy dust onto some movies for adults, for a change.

Start a Record Label

And while we’re at it, why not give the ultimate one-finger digital salute to the music industry: Launch Apple Music and be done with it! Sure, it might further irritate your newfound pals at The Beatles’ Apple Corps Ltd., since they already sued you and lost for putting one foot into the music business with iTunes as it is. Might as well skip the middleman and start signing artists directly… you already have the storefront to make it happen, and you could be the first major label to go all digital (no cumbersome CD version). Just make sure you keep your new releases at the old 99 cents per track, hm’kay...?

Finally Put a Stop to Those Pesky Rumor Sites

Apple has a real love/hate relationship with product rumors leaked on websites. Some people believe that Cupertino plants at least some of the rumors intentionally to help stir interest in new products -- other times, Apple attacks with their legal team when the rumors hit a little too close to home. That leaves Apple with one of two choices: Spend the money on attorneys to clamp down on the endless parade of rumors (which isn’t likely to ultimately work), or just buy all the websites and call it a day. We figure with $40 billion in the bank, most website owners would say, “Let the bidding begin.” After all, when cash talks, journalistic integrity often walks.

Free iPad with Every Mac Purchase

Apple probably knows it’s got its work cut out for it with the iPad: After all, once the tech-heads among us buy one, who’s left? This isn’t like an iPhone, a device that does so many things that fits in your pocket. If Cupertino really wants to secure a future for the iPad, they’ll start tossing in a free $499 Wi-Fi only model with every Mac purchase over $1,000 or so. Sure, they’ll be using it as a loss leader in the beginning, but if there’s one thing Apple knows, it’s how to turn customers into drooling junkies looking for their next fix. As every good dealer knows, the first one’s free.

Take My Netflix, Please

The DVD business might be on its way out, but Netflix is currently where it’s at when it comes to streaming movies and TV shows to our living rooms. Apple could swoop in with a hostile takeover of the service, add it to the iTunes Store and take a nap for awhile while Blockbuster continues going down in flames. And for the love of God, please shoehorn that service onto our Apple TV units… there must be a way!

Cryogenically Freeze Steve Jobs for The Future

Apple CEO Steve Jobs is still with us, thank God, and will be for the foreseeable future. But if Apple really wants to secure their future, why not invest in some top of the line cryogenic freezing technology so when The End finally does come, the company can keep him on ice until modern science catches up with them. Or better yet…

iSteve

Clone. Steve. Jobs. There, we said it. Since his triumphant second coming with Apple and the tidal wave of cool stuff we’ve all burned up our credit cards to purchase, there has been some degree of concern over how Cupertino will fare without Dear Leader -- whether he retires by his own hand or by his Creator’s. So Apple, fire up the checkbook and invest in some of that top-rate cloning technology and let’s get some backup Steve Jobs churned out… you know, just in case.

Start Manufacturing In Cupertino Again

There was a time not so long ago when Apple’s computers were proudly stamped with “Made in U.S.A.” (or rather, “Made in Cupertino”). In 1986, Apple began manufacturing in China and never looked back -- and neither did most other U.S. consumer electronics makers. Politics aside, shouldn’t a company with $40 billion in the bank be ashamed that the American economy is so troubled while they continue to reap the rewards from their products being manufactured overseas? Sure, we all want cheaper iPhones, iPods and Macs, but at what expense? Apple has the power to make “Made in America” really mean something again.

Bring It All Under One Roof

Speaking of manufacturing in China, why not spread some of your fortune around and keep everything under one roof again in Cupertino? Why use Intel processors for your Macs when you can just create your own? We know it’s costly and maybe not very practical, but for a company to pride itself on making the best and brightest products, you could do it all and really shine. And you know those pesky leaks and rumors? Those would probably be a thing of the past, too -- except for the ones you actually want to get out, that is. (Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.)

Take Their $40 Billion Ball of Cash and Go Home

Of course no one wants to see an innovative company like Apple just pack up their things and close their doors forever, and certainly with the kind of business the company is doing these days, that’s not likely to happen anytime soon. But what if the entire company just decided they couldn’t keep trying to top themselves anymore and called it a day? That would sure silence all those nasty critics. On second thought, never mind: It would also put us out of a job! Scratch that.

So how about the rest of you? Got some better ideas as to where Apple can share its fortune? Share them in the comments!