Back in 1998 when Apple brought USB into the mainstream with the iMac --- the first computer to ship with a USB keyboard and mouse, and without any so-called legacy ports --- it was immediately clear that a refreshing new standard had been born. With a simple connector having no screws to tighten or pins to align, USB was a refreshing change from parallel ports and PS/2 connectors, and its future was as bright as bondi blue.

It didn’t take long for USB to become a household name; nor was there a long wait for the first of countless peripheral devices to hit shelves. From pulsating volume knobs to fans, frames and even aquariums, USB has inspired a wealth of gadgets based on its expandable, hot-swappable, plug-and-play capabilities. And we’ve found a few of them that are actually useful:

Breakfast serial

Who needs a gourmet kitchen when you’ve got a USB cup warmer and a mess of cables? Designed with the java junkie in mind, the desktop cup holder eliminates the need to run to the microwave for a warm-up every 30 minutes or so. Whether that’s worth $30 is up for debate, but if you’re handy with circuits and have a couple dozen USB ports to spare, you can cook a fried egg and a side of bacon without leaving your keyboard. It may not look too pretty, but it’ll get the job done; wash it all down with a can of fruit punch from your USB fridge, and you’ve got a full-service breakfast station that’ll start your day off right. Now if only someone would invent a USB dishwasher.

4 out 5 dentists dissuade

Once the hot plate has cooled and the bits of egg have been scraped off the underside of your mouse, you probably want to freshen your mouth and remove the taste of undercooked bacon grease. Thanks to your handy USB toothbrush, you won’t have to leave your computer to do that, either. Simply plug it in to your Mac, sit back, and let the rotating brush head do all the work. Toothpaste isn’t included, but what self-respecting Mac user doesn’t keep a tube of Crest in their desk drawer?

A cut above

Even if they weren’t forced to rely on USB for life’s simple pleasures, you’d be hard-pressed to find anyone who actually enjoys shaving (despite what those Gillette commercials would have you believe). Electric shavers have taken some of the gloom out of the task, but no good techie can be without his rechargeable USB shaver, which promises “a lightweight and portable design that keeps the 5 o'clock shadow away at all times” (but we’re quite sure it’ll work just as well on your 8AM shadow).

Goldfish standard

So, you’ve eaten and brushed. Now what? Why, it’s time to feed the fish, of course. No self-respecting computer user’s desk can be without Comfish, a USB mini aquarium that  comes in four stylish colors, and boasts a smaller and lighter design than “traditional” fish tanks. Replete with a heater, filter and light, all powered by USB and controlled by the computer, and a little hole for feeding (so as to not risk a fried keyboard), Comfish is perfect for geeks (and fish) with absolutely nowhere to go.

Clean as a Whistler

Looking for a way to clean up all those crumbs, beard trimmings and fish food that have no doubt littered your desktop? This looks like a job for your turbo-powered USB vacuum, an appliance no neat-freak can be without. Easy to use and easy to empty, this little sucker will have dust bunnies everywhere (or at least under your chair) running for their lives.

USB prepared

Before heading off to a big day at the office or the classroom, there are a few things that need to be done (aside from cleaning the breakfast dishes). For one, pointy pencils are a must, and — you guessed it — a USB pencil sharpener (cleverly named the iSharpener) is your best friend; as is the USB paper shredder, which will make short work of the morning’s mail (provided you don’t get more than a few pieces). Digital artists will swear by their tablets; journalists won’t leave home without their USB voice recorder; and evil geniuses will absolutely need a CD destroyer for all that sensitive information that can’t risk falling into the hands of an archenemy.

Ride the bus to work

We all know the role USB plays in offices around the globe --- keyboards, mice, speakers, storage, etc. --- but few wannabes may know that a host of amateur professionals can harness the power of the serial bus in their efforts to make the universe a better place. Have dreams of bring a scientist or CSI? Check out the QX5 microscope, which claims 200X magnification, 640X480 resolution, and the ability to take snapshots and time-lapse movies. Fancy yourself a private investigator? Pick up a not-so-inconspicuous pair of USB camera sunglasses that snap 1.3-megapixel images onto a 1GB thumb drive. Want to keep drunken-drivers off the roads? Try out the AlcoHawk Digital Alcohol Detector on the next swerving Honda you see speeding down the highway. And who doesn’t want to play Army and fire a few missiles at their cubicle neighbor? (OK, you didn’t hear that last one from us.)

Cool factor, negative 3

If it gets a little too hot under the collar with all those megabits speeding around, a spare USB port can help you there, too. With a pair of fans positioned at either love handle, the not-so-safe-for-work (or anywhere else, for that matter) air-conditioned shirt will be the envy of absolutely no one (except maybe your USB fish). Here’s how it works: Plug it in to an empty USB port, switch it on, and let the fans do their thing. A few drawbacks (besides the close proximity of your flesh to rapidly spinning blades) make this option slightly less desirable than a paper fan — most notably the way it’ll turn you into something that looks like the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man wearing Jerry Seinfeld’s puffy shirt.

 

All smoke and no FireWire

If you constantly find yourself on your cigarette break with a USB cable but no lighter or ashtray, perhaps you might want to invest in a few handy tools made with the habitual smoker in mind. Never worry about spilling lighter fluid all over your MacBook with this flameless USB lighter, and keep your co-workers from peskily waving second-degree smoke from their faces with a USB/2 AA Smokeless Ashtray Air Purifier Carbon Filter. And since it looks like a yellow ‘73 Volkswagen Beetle, perhaps it’ll help you quit, too.

Green can be cool and friendly-like

With so much focus on the environment these days, any effort to pitch in is greatly appreciated by Mother Nature. So why not ditch that electricity-hogging track lighting and plug in an energy-friendly USB LED desk lamp? Or a flexible USB-powered desk fan, rather than the 18,000-BTU behemoth protruding from your wall? Or, for the most geo-conscious of all, keep the USB Solar Mobile Charger near an open window for sun-powered cell phones, PDAs and PSPs (but unfortunately not iPods due to their proprietary connector). And to proudly show off your green side to the world, flash your guilt-free EarthDrive, “designed and built using the maximum amount of biodegradable materials... resulting in a fully recyclable product” guaranteed to make Al Gore smile.