Cautiously like it, hate it, or stick your fingers in your ears and pretend it doesn’t exist, “adult entertainment” is part of the iPhone app landscape. Really, it’s hard not to respect the vigor and even technical innovation with which smut peddlers embrace new technology. Post-VHS, post-DVD, and mid-Internet, popular handheld devices have to be the next great domain demanding conquering. Despite Apple’s best efforts to curtail apps that focus on activities that belong behind closed curtains, titillation is possible with your favorite handheld.
Now it’s a dirty job, but someone had to do it. So rather than employ staffers or freelance writers in areas that may be uncomfortable, I shouldered the burden of the smut report. Seriously, never before had I downloaded these apps. And, in fact, that excuse of “it’s research for work” resulted in way more positive results than I imagined. But that’s a story between me and my iPhone.
It’s probably no surprise, but take it from someone who’s actually looked at a few of these apps, they’re really not very good. What do I mean by “good”? Well, useful, largely. Really, what do you expect (and maybe a serious discussion that answers this question might result in a boost in quality, though that’s a seriously ambitious “might”)? For starters, the free entry to “lite” versions is, not surprisingly, just a gateway to paying for more tips, tricks, and moves.
Despite all that initial dismissal, if certain home-grown situations could handle a casual boost, maybe one from the inanimate object like the iPhone is sufficiently passive that it actually provides a Trojan Horse, if you will, into an awkward discussion.
If that’s the case, then may we recommend (with caution) a few options:
(Free)
Shake the iPhone to generate a new position. If you’re looking for suggestions from a third-party, this one’s pretty safe.
(Free)
Maybe you belong to the right kind of social group where this classic game has an occasional (maybe even regular) home. Bizarrely, it’s surprisingly maleable, letting you input the names of “attendees” and even edit questions to address specific guests. One-on-one it may be more trouble than it’s worth.
($0.99)
Let’s call its stick figure illustrations “instructional.”
We could go on... and we did, maybe a little too enthusiastically than this well researched story demanded, but we’ll leave out so many other sources of adult information. Even some of the sophomoric titillation efforts are pretty lame (Rack Stare, I’m eyeballing you). Classic fare like Playboy and even the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition warrant their own apps but largely the purchase price for pieces of this content simply isn’t worth the time.
Of course, some of you out there, and you know who you are, have already stopped reading, are currently accessing the App Store, and starting to browse “just to see if what this magazine is saying is true.” Go ahead, champ, we’ve got your back.
(Free)
Knowing the scores of the latest games could involve more attachment than local team fandom. Your circle of close personal acquaintances may appreciate someone who can pull up the lines for the big game, if just for discussion purposes, or to prove a point. iOdds is one of many, many apps that can provide the kind of information that hardened sports fans eat up. It provides the information, lines, and scores across a huge variety of sports, and updates rapidly enough to put it on par with more austere sports information sources like ESPN. If you happen to be in Vegas, this can keep you in touch with the action.
(Free)
The sport of kings is the most honorable of the wagering opportunities available today (and legal in most states). For information on tracks, jockeys, horses, and detailed information on past performances, this app delivers some pretty high impact details. It doesn’t update to provide the latest workout times or even past histories for horses running in more minor races, but for the big events, it can make you look like a knowledgeable (or incorrigible) font of information for that day out at the track. All for entertainment purposes, of course.
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