Q: I have wanted an iPhone ever since the first one came out. My iProblem (lol) is that I LOATHE AT&T! Can I get the iPhone 3G but stay with my current carrier, T-moblie?

A: No. iLOL!

Q: Can I use my 3G phone's SIM card in a first gen iPhone? Can I switch back and forth between the two devices in this way?

A: Look, man, some people didn't get an iPhone 3G yet. My main man Jaime over at the AT&T store on Mission Street isn't even ALLOWED to get one yet, not until demand dies down a little more. And you want to switch back and forth between two? Plus, the iPhone 3G is superior in every way to every phone ever made, so just stick with that and let it be enough for you and be grateful neither of your iPhones has FALLEN IN THE FRIGGIN' OCEAN.

Q: Hey, I got my wife this new iPhone. She has a hot iMac running OS 10.4.11. The phone will not sync with the iMac. It gets to Calendars and then just runs and runs (all night long) and never finishes syncing. All software is up to date. The phone is set to sync not "push" through MobileMe. What's the deal?

A: Wait, what's a hot iMac? Did you buy it out of the back of a van or something? Does she have MobileMe? If so, do her calendars show up correctly on www.me.com? Is it set to sync manually and you're waiting for it to push content automatically? Don't you hate it when people answer questions with more questions?

Q: I'm in need of some assistance when it comes to remotely controlling my MacBook Pro with my first-gen iPhone. I can control iTunes on my HP desktop just fine with it—it pairs properly and everything works great. However, for some reason it doesn't want to pair with its own Apple cousin. It registers fine, I punch in the four-digit code, my MBP says that the phone is able to remotely control iTunes, but the phone keeps searching for the library and can't find it. I've tried everything I can find about it online and have even totally restored the device in hopes that it would fix the problem, to no avail.

A: I would update to iPhone 2.0.1 software, check for an update to the Remote app (we didn't see one at press time, though), reboot the iPhone by holding down the Home and Sleep buttons for a really long darn time, or just delete the HP's library and start over. At least I would do these things if I had arms, but I'm an iPhone, so I don't.

Q: The raccoons get into my trash cans every night no matter what I do to try to stop them.

A: That's not a question.

Got a [real] question for Salty the iPhone? Email askaniphone@gmail.com and remove two articles of clothing.