It's the worst thing ever! If you listen to 60 Minutes and the rest of the media, the Conficker Worm will eventually bring down the entire internet and introduce 100 years of darkness to the world.

In reality, no one knows for sure what the Conficker Worm will actually do once it's been activated on April 1, 2009. There is speculation about zombie machines, and espionage, and the possibility of tearing a hole in the time space continuum. All of those theories are valid, but we just don't know.

In order to help our Windows using friends prepare themselves for the worm, we've compiled 10 horrible things the Conficker worm could do to Windows machines. Some of these are so horrible, we had to shield our eyes while typing them out in order to make it through the rest of the day without being tainted by their horribleness. Some of them, well, they're not so bad. Read on, if you dare.

Woz Dances: Video of Steve Woz doing the worm on DWTS will appear on screens all over the world. The Elaine Benes dance will finally be replaced as the worst dance ever. 

It'll Rick Roll the World: Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down.

We're all DOOMed: A giant game of Doom online. Work all over the world will cease as everyone plays Doom online at the same time. It'll be great until someone realizes there are no sticky grenades.

Microsoft Bob makes a comeback!: Tossed aside by the Microsoft team, Microsoft Bob is back and this time, it's personal.Plus, he has pending litigation against the Watchmen movie for copyright infringement. We tried to tell him there was a graphic novel before the movie. He just wouldn't listen. 

Hello Freind: Turns out there's a guy in Nigeria with a huge business opportunity for you. No one seems to replying to his emails anymore. This is plan number two.

Zombie on Zombie crime: The machines become zombies for a zombie king that lives in Detroit. He needs the computing power to render out his latest zombie action flick. It's got a lot of special effects. Did we mention it's about zombies?

Shoe Circus of Death: Jerry Seinfeld is behind the whole thing. He's still a little bitter about being "let go" by Microsoft. Here comes the conquistador and churros.

Delicious: Gummi worms will shoot out of your machine. This is really a best case scenario that probably won't happen. We're pretty sure people would notice the sugar and gelatin being mixed in their PCs. Then again...

Vista Invasion: Forces an install of Vista! Oh Noes!!!!1!!!!1!

Hacker's Revenge: Remember Kevin Mitnick? Yeah, all that time in jail, he finally snapped. He's working on a mockumentary about a hacker that becomes a rapper and grows a big bushy beard. The worm will serve the trailer to your screen.

If you do have a Windows machine or have a friend with one, point them to the Mac|Life sister site, and arch nemesis, MaximumPC.com for tips on how to eradicate the fiend.

Got a Conficker worm scenario you'd like to share? Drop it in the comments.