Apple has just filed a patent for a system that would use the accelerometer to "determine whether a theft condition is present."

How would it do this? Algorithms, of course. The interesting part is that the patent details a system that can be tweaked by the user to recognize certain acceleration patterns. So, instead of determining that sudden acceleration means theft and it sounds an alarm when you run to class with your own laptop, you could activate it when leaving it on your desk, and make it beep angrily if someone moves it.

If this worked, it would be insanely cool. We just wish that instead of sounding an alarm, the dramatic chipmunk would pop up on the screen and say "I’m watching you." Nothing frightens thieves like a good rodent stare. 

Read the full patent here.