Rumors of Steve Jobs's Demise Have Been Greatly... Look, Steve's Still Alive. We Promise.

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JonPhillips

Loved all the linking and interlinking, loved the crossed-out text, and thought it was all very entertaining!

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Susie Ochs

Who wouldn't want a chance to read their own obituary?

I wonder what he thought of the list of people Bloomberg wants their reporters to badger for quotes once he dies. Maybe he'll give them a call with some other suggestions... :-)

Oh, on a semi-related topic, I saw the meanest obit ever written posted on SFist.com earlier. People figured maybe it was a hoax, but a follow-up post later confirmed it was 100 percent true. Crazy!
http://sfist.com/2008/08/17/rip_bitch_dolores_aguilar.php
http://sfist.com/2008/08/18/update_dolores_aguilar_obit_is_dead.php

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ScifiterX

My bet is he having a bit of a chuckle.

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Ben

Why is everyone flipping out about Steve Jobs dying?

You've got to be kidding me... Does everything Apple-related really need to have speculation behind it?

Just let the man LIVE in peace!

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Brendan Bartholomew

After all, certain cantankerous computer columnists spent years erroneously and prematurely reporting the demise of a nifty little product of Steve Jobs' which you may have heard about.

 

For the mainstream media to go from eagerly watching the clock and counting the days 'til their predictions came to fruition and one of Mr. Jobs' most important achievements crashed and burned...

 

Though Macintosh was and is the product of an almost mythic group effort by some of Silicon Valley's greatest creative geniuses and most brilliant engineers, our insanely great platform always was and always shall be Steve's baby.

 

Macintosh is arguably Steve Jobs' most far-reaching, significant contribution to our cultural and technological landscape. It is one of the most powerful creative tools that has ever existed, and will probably continue to evolve and serve our species long after Steve Jobs, you, and I have left our bodies and gone on to the next world.

 

So yeah. To go from just a few years ago loudly predicting that Steve's enduring contribution would not, in fact, endure, to go from proclaiming the death of the man's magnum opus to pronouncing the man himself deceased...

 

Well, as I said, that's not much of a stretch at all.

 

Mr. Jobs, your detractors are legion, even among the Mac faithful, who still whisper of their hurt feelings and your alleged Reality Distortion Field. Let them talk. We have always forgiven eccentricities and indelicate communications coming from driven, passionate, obsessive, creative geniuses, from that special and very rare breed to which you belong.

 

It is a cliché, of course, to say, "He may be a bastard, but at least he's our bastard." You're not a bastard, Steve. You're one of the few quirky outsiders who somehow managed to earn yourself the keys to the castle. You were a long-haired, hippie computer geek who could have grown up, sold out, and joined the establishment, but instead became a Captain of Industry and fucking owned "the establishment."

 

You're not a bastard in any sense of the word, Steve. We've heard, however, that you can sometimes be a bit of a prick. This would be something you have in common with many presidents and chief executive officers, and with even more great artists and rock stars.

 

When I ponder the trouble Dell got in for their fraudulent business practices, when I wince under the weight of Microsoft's artlessness, when I just stare in openmouthed disbelief as I absorb the latest offensive comment to come out of Donald Trump's morally bankrupt little pig-like mouth...

 

When I try to put some sense to the behaviors of these types of people, who really are the true, unrepentant pricks of business and industry, these speculators pushing money around without ever truly creating anything...

 

Well Steve, you look like much less of a prick by comparison. You may be a difficult, demanding perfectionist impresario cult leader, but damn it, Sir, you're OUR difficult, demanding perfectionist impresario cult leader!

 

We love you just the way you are, we still cheer your every victory, and we sincerely hope and pray that you will be with us for a very long time.

 

 Live long and prosper, Mr. Jobs.

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