Sometimes you can successfully re-create the arcade classics—those games kids would line up for and shovel their entire allowance into until they’d finally beaten it. And sometimes you can’t.
The Asskickers by AGO Games is unfortunately a miss. Taking place in the “near future,” when individual governments have fallen and the world is run by the United Nations Council and various corporations, it has you fight your way through the streets to battle these higher-ups, then literally spank the defeated bosses.
The environments can seem as bland as the wonky combat.
The three characters, Alex, Diane, and Marcus, each possess their own speed, strength, and endurance statistics, and you’ll find items to boost your health, score, and stamina along the way. The 2D, 16-bit, side-scrolling style conjures up memories of classic arcade fighters like Streets of Rage, Double Dragon, and Final Fight. The simultaneous two-player mode re-creates the team-play elements of yesteryear, and you can choose either the story mode, survival mode, or a time attack mode where you’re trying to defeat as many bad guys as possible within a time limit.
Unfortunately, this is about all The Asskickers does well. Even on the easiest difficulty level, the game seems too harsh in judging which blows you’ve landed, but almost any blow against you will hit home. Critical events, such as advancing to the next level once you’ve completed a stage, sometimes fail to occur, forcing you to replay the level. The game offers little in the way of tutorials to teach you your special moves. And the total failure of the auto-save feature meant my game had to be replayed from the beginning time and time again.
The bottom line. While it’s nice to revisit a classic game style, The Asskickers is diluted by a lack of functionality that makes it a chore to play.
The Asskickers
1.8GHz or faster Intel processor, Mac OS 10.6 or later, 1GB RAM, 256MB or faster graphics
16-bit, 2D graphical style is reminiscent of old-school arcade fighting games. Simultaneous two-player mode can be fun to play.
Extremely poor game mechanics. Kludgy controls. Almost complete lack of tutorial system. Bug prevents stages from loading correctly. Auto-save system failed to function correctly during testing.
