Win: January 2011

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IMFSHN

What side of a chicken has the most feathers?

[the outside]

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Rebelord

Q: With pointed fangs it sits in wait,
With piercing force its doles out fate,
Over bloodless victims proclaiming its might,
Eternally joining in a single bite.
What am I?

A: A Stapler

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jon.hanson

If a rooster lays an egg on the peak of a roof that has an equal slope on both sides and there is no wind, which way will the egg roll?

Answer: Roosters don't lay eggs!

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rudfaden

Q: Say my name and i am gone. Who am I?

A: Silence!

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lopezzi

What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?

One's under a buck, the other's $2.50.

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Printer Man

You are a bus driver. 8 People get on at the first stop, 3 get on and the second, and 1 gets off on the third.

The question is, what colour is the bus driver’s eyes?

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TrevorM

What's the difference between a duck?

One leg is both the same.

(sorry, lame joke from the old Firesign Theater days...)

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Thor-Dale

I know a stranger, a bright gold-giver
He strides in splendour over the world’s walls.
All day he hurries between two bonfires.
No man knows where he builds his bedchamber.

A: The Sun

I know another, high in the heavens
Two horns he wears on his hallowed head
A wandering wizard, a wild night-farer,
Sometimes he feasts, sometimes he fasts.

A: The Moon

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frantastic

There are plenty more fish in the sea, but I want that fish!

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pmatute

Theres a man who lives on the 10th floor of an apartment building. Everyday when he goes to leave, he takes the elevator down to the lobby and walks out. When he returns he does something strange. If it is a rainy day, or if there is someone else in the elevator with him, he takes it all the way to the 10th floor. But any other circumstance he goes up to the 7th floor, gets out, and walks the rest of the way. Why does he do this?

he is too short, so he uses the umbrella on rainy days to reach the very high up 10th floor button.
IF someone else is with him, he of course does not need to use the umbrella.

if he has no umbrella then he can only reach the 7th floor button

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Hutif

A man is looking at a portrait when another man ask's, "Who is that a portrait of?" The first man replies, "Brothers and sisters have I none, but that man's father is my father's son." At whose picture is the man looking?

Answer: It is the man's son

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fdski

Every day the man saw his dog ran into the woods. However, he noticed that the dog never ran more than halfway into the woods. Why?

Ans: The dog couldn't run more than halfway into the woods, because after halfway he would be no longer be running into the woods, but out of them.

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antisyphus

You find yourself in an empty room with no windows or doors and see a dead man who has hung himself from the ceiling. The only other thing in the room is some water, there are no chairs, ledges or anything for the man to have stood on. How did he die?

answer: He put a rope around his neck and stood on a block of ice until it melted.

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stayinglow216

Q: How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

A: You poke her face (Poker face)!

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bunnny

Here we go,

I am black and I am white, I am good and sometimes bad,
You can see me in the light or perhaps in the night
But nonetheless, To all of you, I bring the feeling of the fright.

To see me it is rare, although you could probably give a care
You turn away, I sit and say, I am not that bad, I am, however...quite sad.

Who am I?

ʞunʞs ɯɐ I :)

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rybirch

Feed me and I Live
Give me Drink and I Die

What Am I?

Answer: Fire

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TheDudefrom94

Micheal J. Fox has a short one, Arnold Schwarzenegger has a long one, and Madonna doesn't have one. What is it?

Last names! Get your head out of the gutter.

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Mlynde

You are driving a two-seater car along a lonely stretch of road when you come to three people waiting in the rain. One is the woman of your dreams. The second is an old friend to whom you owe a huge favor. The third is an old woman, in severe pain and in need of immediate medical care. You can only take one person in your car. What do you do?

Answer: Give the car keys to your old friend, have him drive the old woman to the hospital, and you wait with the woman of your dreams.

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71whit

I am the center of gravity, hold a capital situation in Vienna, and as I am foremost in every victory, am allowed by all to be invaluable. Though I am invisible, I am clearly seen in the midst of a river. I could name three who are in love with me and have three associates in vice. It is vain that you seek me for I have long been in heaven yet even now lie embalmed in the grave. What am I?

The Answer to the Riddle

The letter V

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The_Quintessent...

You live in a one-story purple house. Everything in the house is purple. The walls are purple, the fridge is purple, and the plates are purple, etc. What color are the stairs?

Answer: There are no stairs; it's a one-story house!

Another one: A plane that was headed from New York to Canada unfortunately crashes into a mountain right at the border. Where do you bury the survivors?

Answer. You don't bury survivors.

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maclover

What stinks when living and smells good when dead?

A: Bacon

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Armando

What did Delaware?
She wore a brand new jersey

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paulke

What's brown and sounds like a bell?

Dung

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PinkFreud

There are six eggs in a basket. Six people each take one of the eggs. How can it be that one egg is left in the basket?

The last person took the basket with the last egg still inside

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macbookpro220

There was a teenage boy in college helping his mom with her computer by phone. When they were done, the boy told his mom that she had an I.D.-10-T error. She asked him what it was and he told her that It didn't matter and that she would need it later and to write it down. She did and they hung up the phone. The mom looked at what she had written (ID10T error) to find that it really spelled "Idiot Error"!

Explanation: When written (I.D.-10-T) spells Idiot.

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justir7

Funny!

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samboni40

the owner of a mansion dies on sunday. the suspects are the cook the butler and the maid. the maid said she was getting the mail. the butler said he was setting the table and the cook said he was making lunch. who killed the owner and why.

answer the maid because theres no mail on sundays

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bigredd06

What has 4 legs in the morning, 2 legs at mid day and 3 legs in the evening?

answer: Man

explanation: man when borne crawls on 4 limbs then walks upright on two legs as an adult and then walks with a cane as an old man.

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Aeros

Riddle me this and riddle me that -

Have not been, but always will be
Never seen, never will
Yet all look and plan on me

Tomorrow

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DWBEOWULF

This one was told to me by my daughter:
1. How did the baby anteater greet his father's sister?
FOOD!

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lilsproutnlou

Rolling down the highway about 64,
When Nic cut a fart, and blew me out the door,
The wheels couldn't stand it, the engine fell apart,
All because of Nic's super-sonic fart

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rogology

What do you get when you mix Soylent Blue with Soylent Yellow?

People

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lwulffleff

What always runs but never walks, often murmurs, never talks, has a bed but never sleeps, has a mouth but never eats?

A river.

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CFKavanagh

what goes up a chimney down and down a chimney up?

Answer: Umbrella

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Snwbrder518

Riddle: What weighs more, a ton of rocks, or a ton of feathers?

Answer: They both weigh the same, a ton!

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kylerwalker

how many dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb 5 because dogs do not have thumbs

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HarmonicHealer

What is the first derivative of a cow?

Prime rib

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mactony

I go around and round
You pry that I'll start
But I turn cold everytime were APART
The two together equal a solid four

Answer jumper cables

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ikenyon1

what gets wet as it dries?

A sponge!!!

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kylerwalker

one day their was a old man waiking to the store and the next thing he knew he ran off a cliff and then he got crushed by a bolder

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jatilq

Sky dancer

I am, in truth, a yellow fork
From tables in the sky
By inadvertent fingers dropped
The awful cutlery.
Of mansions never quite disclosed
And never quite concealed
The apparatus of the dark
To ignorance revealed.

What am I?

Lightning

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bendogga

How many Windows users does it take to . . . *BSOD*

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MetFanJay

A father and son are in a major car accident and are both injured. They are taken to different hospitals completely across town from each other. When it is determined that the boy needs surgery, the surgeon comes in, sees the boy, and says "I can't operate on this boy. He's my son." How is this possible ??

A: The surgeon is the boy's mother.

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lopez09

Riddle:

I'm not in earth, nor the sun, nor the moon. You may search all the sky- I am not there. In the morning and evening- though not at noon. You may plainly perceive me, for like a balloon, I'm suspended in air. Though disease may possess me, and sickness and pain, I am never in sorrow nor gloom; Though in wit and wisdom I equally reign. I am the heart of all sin and have long lived in vain; Yet I never shall be found in the tomb.-Lord Byron What am I?

Answer: i

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narniafan

Riddle: There is a piece of board that is 4 inches wide, 6 inches high, and 10 inches deep. There is a hole drilled all the way through the board. How much sand will it take to fill up the hole.

Answer: You can't fill up the hole, the sand will fall straight through.

Another one,

Riddle: A man was washing in a river near a town. When he got out of the river, he told everyone around that he would never wash in that water again. Why is this?

Answer: Because the water flows down stream, so the man will truly never wash in that same water again.

Joshua

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randykite

Q: Why was 6 afraid of 7?

A: Because 7 8 9

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Primis

There once was a man who went to a computer trade show. Each day as he entered, the man told the guard at the door:

"I am a great thief, renowned for my feats of shoplifting. Be forewarned, for this trade show shall not escape unplundered."

This speech disturbed the guard greatly, because there were millions of dollars of computer equipment inside, so he watched the man carefully. But the man merely wandered from booth to booth, humming quietly to himself.

When the man left, the guard took him aside and searched his clothes, but nothing was to be found.

On the next day of the trade show, the man returned and chided the guard saying: "I escaped with a vast booty yesterday, but today will be even better." So the guard watched him ever more closely, but to no avail.

On the final day of the trade show, the guard could restrain his curiosity no longer. "Sir Thief," he said, "I am so perplexed, I cannot live in peace. Please enlighten me. What is it that you are stealing?"

----------------------------------------------------

The man smiled. "I am stealing ideas," he said.

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justir7

Good one.

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Califzeph

What's black and white and red all over? An old vampire movie.

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Chocolate Lifesaver

That would also go for a newspaper! Good one!

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