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*inspired by Tallgeese*

a-ha!

yes yes yes *takes out pipe, sips coffee*


see, what is even worse, when - oh say MYSELF - abuses grammar intentionally... and someone is dumb enough to go:

oh, you don't see the inherent contradiction... bullsmurf!  that was usually a crafted contradiction, which indeed parallels the point.

grammar is overated, it is a dogma, and dogma is the source of evil.

of course, sometimes i am just smurfing around....

just like: i'll point out that i am sub-genious.

or; your (neutral) comments are not very inciteful....

and like, maybe 1-3 people will get it... 

oh, well - it's my gift to those few who do

*expired by My Username Blows*

I need more slack in my life.

...You may be a lowly car salesman, but you're a well-spoken lowly car salesman. 

Thank you.    But I should also state, that I am playing with a stereotype when I call myself "lowly."  I am not lowly.  I am the opposite of the stereotype, in fact.  I may be the most scrupulous salesman you will ever know.  I sell cars with honesty and integrity, and that keeps them coming back for repeat business. 

*enspurred by Tallgeese & TheConfuzed1*

*whips out "unit" points into wind and begins peeing with great vigor*

okay,

i just am gonna come out and say i don't like "bird", at all.  this would then be birds best quality.

see bird: implies it is above you, an eagle that doesn't soar with turkeys, makes a point of mentioning grad school/school repeatedly, assumes i've read "stream-of -unconsiousness" books that aren't examples of that ilk in the slightest (try burroughs, vonnegut, or leyner - bird), rants on and on about grammar rules concluding ultimately it doesn't matter in this forum, and manages to squeeze in a jesus reference.

yes, jesus wept when he heard english, 'cuz he wouldn't know what the smurf you were saying to him.

nope, don't like bird.

bird is a tird.   

*enspurred by Tallgeese & TheConfuzed1*

*whips out "unit" points into wind and begins peeing with great vigor*

okay,

i just am gonna come out and say i don't like "bird", at all.  this would then be birds best quality.

see bird: implies it is above you, an eagle that doesn't soar with turkeys, makes a point of mentioning grad school/school repeatedly, assumes i've read "stream-of -unconsiousness" books that aren't examples of that ilk in the slightest (try burroughs, vonnegut, or leyner - bird), rants on and on about grammar rules concluding ultimately it doesn't matter in this forum, and manages to squeeze in a jesus reference.

yes, jesus wept when he heard english, 'cuz he wouldn't know what the smurf you were saying to him.

nope, don't like bird.

bird is a tird.   

Aw, you're making the Baby Jesus cry again.  Wait -- listen very closely, yup, there it is, the poor Baby Jesus sobbing his little heavenly heart out over your most unkind words.  Won't you stop making the Baby Jesus cry?  Think of the children!  Won't you do it for the children?  Won't someone please think of the children?

Doesn't matter to me, of course.  I've heard better insults from inanimate objects.  Wittier repartee, as well.  In fact, are you sure you're sentient?*

*Rhetorical question.  Question not asking to be answered.  Answering of said question not required.  Your mileage may vary.  Consult your manual.

And, truly, the new business-speak of "proactivity", "thinking out of the box", and "synergy" and the like just bugs me no end.  People who (over)use it ought to have to go to English class the way people who sexually harrass others have to go to sensitivity training or whatever they're calling it.

My current favorite at work: "We need to examine the totality of the client's situation." That's just personal preference, though.

In my last job, my boss used this kind of language all the damn time.  I made it a little hobby to count the number of cliches she used.  She averaged about one per line in emails, memos, etc.  One per line, people!  You've got to actively unintelligent to do that, I think.

My coworkers and I do something similar to the woman who facilitates our weekly conference call with our regional offices. We count how often she sticks a word within a word, as in "that's un-completely-believable." Gag. The record is 34. Our conference calls normally last only one hour.

Another favorite of mine . . . I returned to my cube to find my former boss sifting through my dictionary. She turns and asks me if I've ever heard of the word "shratnel . . . you know, the stuff that a bomb makes." I kid you not. I tell her she means "shrapnel." She asks me how to spell it and then questions if I spelled it correctly. The next day, she used the word in a marketing presentation--she suggested that the firm's marketing efforts be more like "shrapnel . . . you know, spread out." The CEO looked something like this:  Yup, she was let go about a month later.

Another favorite of mine . . . I returned to my cube to find my former boss sifting through my dictionary. She turns and asks me if I've ever heard of the word "shratnel . . . you know, the stuff that a bomb makes." I kid you not. I tell her she means "shrapnel." She asks me how to spell it and then questions if I spelled it correctly. The next day, she used the word in a marketing presentation--she suggested that the firm's marketing efforts be more like "shrapnel . . . you know, spread out." The CEO looked something like this:  Yup, she was let go about a month later.

One more thing I'd like to add, don't know if it's been said.  One of the things that vexes me the most is when people speak grammatically incorrectly such that it changes the meaning of the sentence and then get angry when I'm confused.  They say, "Oh, you know what I meant!"  No, actually, I didn't;  I'm not a mind reader, I'm a listener/reader.  If you want me to know what you mean, say what you mean.  If you say something else, how am I supposed to know what you mean?

I know what you mean. 

i was at a concert the other day, where the MC said something about a non-profit organization, and then said "...but i'll get back to that later. in fact, i'll let y'all marinate in it for a while..."

am i right in wanting to KILL HER? aaaaahhhHHH!!!!!!!
*screams in pain*

anyway...when i'm leaving messages and such, i usually dont bother with capitalization, but punctuation and spelling remain important. (2

i guess the word "marinate" was the coup de gras of the little speech she gave, as the rest of it was riddled with "hellas" and "yo's" (which actually replaced "y'all" in this one's vocabulary). it was a speech given at UC Santa Cruz, which is viciously anti-"hella" in its speech patterns. naturally, the young lady took this opportunity to say the word more than i thought was humanly possible.

lol, I like that, actually.  We personify things all the time -- well, I think it's about time we thingify persons.  I would be honored to be compared to a slab of beef.

Oh, that's on my list too. I could carry on an entire conversation on this forum about all the pervisions of language I loathe so much, but I don't want to come off like a complete grammar nazi . . . oh, wait. Nevermind.

Anyhoo, check this out:http://angryflower.com/bobsqu.gif