Forums | MacLife

Hi,  I've been reading all the dating advice you horndogs have been giving jd and thought you might need something else to talk about.

The story I'm about to tell is true and happened today:

We were havesting corn today and I looked over at our bean field where the cows have been for a few days and I see a dead cow laying out in the middle  CRAP!!!

So while we were waiting for the semi to come back I used my pickup to drag her out to the road and I called the rendering plant to come pick her up.  The lady on the line took my name and the place the "body" was located.  I'm thinking body?  Its not a murder scene its a dead cow!  Anyway I tell her and she then tells me there is a $10 pickup charge and I need to place a check for $10 next to the "body" so the driver can pick it up.

I say "huh? We've never had to pay before.  Its supposed to rain.  Where do I put the check"?  She said to place it in a jar and leave it by the body.

I get off the phone and I'm kinda pissed.  $10 to pick up a dead cow!!  It's always been free!!.   I didn't have my checkbook but I had a $10 bill.  So in a fit of revenge I went and found a ziplock bag, put the $10 bill in the bag, walked outside and shoved it up the cows ass.  If they want my $10 so bad then they will have to go swimming for it.

So we go pick corn and when we quit I start heading home and parked across the road was the rendering truck blocking my path.

Oh Oh!

I get out and the guy is standing in his truck on a mountain of dead cows trying to get his cable free.  I help him and he is the nicest deadanimalpickeruper I've ever met.  He's calling me "sir" and everything.  Then it hits me.  This poor guy is probably working for minimum wage, trying to feed his family and I shoved part of his take home pay up the butt of a cow.

Feeling ashamed I say "Hey you know that $10 I was to leave by the cow?"  He says "yea".  I say "well I stuck it up the cows ass".   He looks at me confused and says "Why?"  Me being the quick thinker said "Well all I had was a $10 bill and I didn't want anyone to drive by and steal it".   He said "uh uh" while I made circles in the gravel with my toe.  Then he says "tell you what, this animals fresh and she'll bring good money why don't you just keep it".  I said "ok" and retrieved my $10.  I said "thank you" and he left.

Moral of the story:   If you want keep your $10 from the rendering man just shove it up the cows ass because he'll let you keep it.   

Ps.  The best part of this whole story is after I came home I was telling my boys about it and they went running out to the pickup where the $10 was still in the bag and brought it back inside.  They were holding the bag looking inside but were afraid to touch the $10.  I took it out, stuck it in my mouth and started chewing it.  I had neglected to tell them I used the bag to stick it in the cow.  LOL  My oldest boy about fainted.