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I usually only see monkeys masturbating.  One time I saw one sucking its own penis.

I know it's sick and wrong, but the idea of it, the image of it, cracks me up.   

I got one that'll make you gag. When one of my ex's cheated on me (now...this person we got "revenge" on wasn't the only one that got this treatment) my friends, who are two sisters, and I got the giggles at this idea. One of these girls took a smurf in a ziploc one morning and hid the bag in the trunk of her car all day waiting for nightfall so she wouldnt get caught doing this. Beings as this was July in St. Louis it was around 95-100 degrees outside. Well...nightfall hits, and I was home for some reason, sick or something, and I get  this  phone call of hysterical laughter, gasping and whatnot...this girl gets super wound up...so she finally calms down enough to tell me they did it. And I said did what? And she goes "we did the smurf". Apparantly, when it was  dark out, they got the smurf-bag out of the trunk, it was all melted like a smurfin' hershey bar in a bag (Ew!)...well...they drove by his house, and the smurf was the thrower, naturally...well...she unzipped the bag some of the way and hurled it at his front door and ran her ass off  to the car. It splattered EVERYWHERE...and I'm sure his parents were thrilled. And then they booked down the street. Since he didnt know their car he had no idea. So gross...but SO funny.

I wanna add...that I have been the getaway driver before, but never the thrower or the smurf.  I leave the dirty work to the sisters grody.

I have no idea where we got this brilliant plan but we still laugh till we piss ourselves thinking about this smurf.

Wow, I'm just a little surprised at some of these responses to SC...I guess that old adage of mine is true:

There's two kinds of bigots in the world-those that will call you smurf to your face, and those that will call you a smurf behind your back.



Think about it-just the fact that some of you would stoop to calling SC names like that shows an incredible lack of respect for the rest of us gay folks.

Wow, I'm just a little surprised at some of these responses to SC...I guess that old adage of mine is true:

There's two kinds of bigots in the world-those that will call you smurf to your face, and those that will call you a smurf behind your back.



Think about it-just the fact that some of you would stoop to calling SC names like that shows an incredible lack of respect for the rest of us gay folks.

Nobody called him a smurf.  He started it by saying that Switch is disgusting for being gay.  We just reminded soulcrusher that he apparently hates himself, because he's queer as a three-dollar bill.

Wow, I'm just a little surprised at some of these responses to SC...I guess that old adage of mine is true:

There's two kinds of bigots in the world-those that will call you smurf to your face, and those that will call you a smurf behind your back.



Think about it-just the fact that some of you would stoop to calling SC names like that shows an incredible lack of respect for the rest of us gay folks.

I feel ya bro.

Not so fast there 'bro' your one of the "behind your back" ones in my opinion---a fag basher and not to be trusted.

I have no idea where we got this brilliant plan but we still laugh till we piss ourselves thinking about this smurf.

Heh heh.

I wish more people had a good sense of bathroom humor.

It really is nasty as hell but then the three of us laugh at nothing.  I wish it wasn't as taboo as people seem to make it.

Y'all...can we PLEASE have a thread that doesn't turn into a stupid Soulcrusher-fest? I really don't need reminded in every smurfin' thread that he is a bigot, a queer and an smurf.

Best way to get back at someone: Crap in their gas tank.

I find a little bit of thermite does the trick, especially on the drive shaft.  There's nothing like walking up to you car to find the driveshaft lying on the ground.

Yes, but wouldnt having to clean your fuel filter after somebody crapped in your gas tank be worse? 

I find a little bit of thermite does the trick, especially on the drive shaft.  There's nothing like walking up to you car to find the driveshaft lying on the ground.

Yes, but wouldnt having to clean your fuel filter after somebody crapped in your gas tank be worse? 

No, most people would just get a mechanic to do it.  How about killing the driveshaft with thermiote, then welding the brakes so the wheels don't turn?

I surrender.

I find a little bit of thermite does the trick, especially on the drive shaft.  There's nothing like walking up to you car to find the driveshaft lying on the ground.

Yes, but wouldnt having to clean your fuel filter after somebody crapped in your gas tank be worse? 

No, most people would just get a mechanic to do it.  How about killing the driveshaft with thermiote, then welding the brakes so the wheels don't turn?

[Jack Webb] Uh...Mr. Jkahless...You're under arrest, you have the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to have an attorney present before and during any questioning, if you can not afford one, one will be appointed for you by the court. Do you understand these rights as I have read them to you? Would you like to make a statement at this time? Please turn around and place your palms flat on the trunk of the car...do you have any weapons on you today? Any sharp objects in your pockets? Have you been drinking today? Any narcotic use? I need you to place your right hand behind your back-that's right...now your left hand...are those too tight? Good. [/Jack Webb] Dum dum dum da...

//Sacks Jack Webb, breaks handcuffs with brute strength and runs off into the night//

Haha, Jack Webb...  That guy really is an ugly mug.

How about this one, eh?  This is probably better a halloween prank, but it's still amazing.  My U.S. History teacher taught it to me.

What you do is you have two guys.  One guy has a paper bag with poo in it (no flinging, Puddlemonkey), the other guy (or girl, whoever) is armed with a pumpkin.

The guy with the pumpkin situates himself flat against the house, in the shadows if possible, right next to the front door.  The first guy, at this juncture, lights the bag of poo on fire, leaving it perhaps two yards straight out from the front door, rings the doorbell, and runs.

Now, what happens is the owner of the house opens the front door, "who's the-- Oh, blast it all..." and as he sees the flames of poo dancing merrily off his front doorstep dashes out to stamp away the inferno without looking both ways.  As soon as he does this, the second guy jumps out of the shadows and heaves the pumpkin into the living room, where it will usually explode on impact.

Hehehe.  Part of me has always been tempted to try this one.