Forums | MacLife

At the risk of sounding graphic:

In the heat of the moment, when my wife looks into my eyes and knows that I waited my whole life and saved myself just for her, and when I look into her eyes and know that she has never given this gift to anyone else, how much more intimate can you get? Is that not the very definition of intimacy, two people being closer to each other than they ever have been to anyone else?

Because real closeness has everything to do with emotional bonding. Sex is only a part of that, and it is entirely possible to find that emotional closeness and still have had sexual experiences with others. Maybe you hold that the definition of intimacy is exclusive to one person, but that may not be the same for other people.

BTW if my opinion sucks (no pun intended) because I only have my experience of monogamy then why doesn't that hold true for you. You only have your experiences of promisuity. I, at least, have logic on my side.

Because I don't say that either limiting sex to one lifetime partner or having multiple partners is the only way to have a meaningful relationship and sex life. You dismissed my lifestyle and sex life as inferior: I didn't do the same for you. You are not only insulting me, you're insulting my partner.

You also used the word "promiscuity" in describing my sex life, which is not accurate. To quote dictionary.com, being promiscuous is "Having casual sexual relations frequently with different partners; indiscriminate in the choice of sexual partners." That does not describe my sex life at all, and once again, your attitude is sanctimonious and patronizing.

To use your "logic," people are only capable of finding a really meaningful relationship once. To extend that, any children you have after the first one are doomed to be loved less. What is the difference between being able to love more than one sexual partner and being able to love more than one child?

If you're happy, great. But your attitude that what's right for you is of necessity right for everyone is shortsighted, self centered and pompous. The biggest difference between you and I is that I don't claim to know what will be the best lifestyle for everyone else, and I certainly don't claim that everyone who doesn't live their life the way I do is immoral.

AMEN 

 

Calling someone a "sanctimonious prick" is somehow contributing to the discussion?  That's pretty smurfin' funny!  You certainly aren't one to talk about "contributing to threads."

The point, which is obviously beyond you, is that I [i]do[/] contribute to discussions on a regualr basis. You sit on the sidelines and throw out stupid  remarks. Even Jayhawk is more interesting. At least he tries.

jondaris said:

You sanctimonious prick.

What gives you the right to sit in judgement of other people's sex lives, or what they feel for their partners?

He's got no smurfing clue, and I really don't like people who feel the need to denigrate others because of their personal beliefs.

So, you see, you are quite capable of "sitting on the sidelines and throwing out stupid  remarks" as well. 

I think we both need to just take a step back and start over as we are both being sanctimonious pricks.   

I do appoligize for my knee jerk reaction.

Please accept my appologies for being sanctimonious. I am not perfect and it's good to be reminded.

After I see how it was said, I realize I'm not going open any eyes with that attitude.

However, I still believe it is true. There are right and wrong ways to do things. And these right and wrong ways aren't defined by me alone. Even my reationships in the past were wrong. I had one girlfriend in highschool. We dated for two years. We held hands, we kissed, we shared emotions and we broke up. In contrast, my wife never dated anyone. The first time she held a guys hand was with me. The first guy she ever kissed was me on our wedding day. I regret ever dating that girl in highschool. I wish I could give my wife as much as she gave me. I never realized how dirty my past was until I was so close to such purity. There is intimacy on so many levels because of how much we saved for each other.

So you see, I do have a little experience with other relationships. In hindsight, I wish I didn't have that experience. I'm sorry it offends you, but there are right ways to do things. I've found that way. And I realize that it could've been even better if I had saved more of myself. My attitude isn't to put you down but it is in the hope that there is someone watching that can still do it the best way before it's too late. Abstinance doesn't just give you the best chances for being healthy, it gives you the best chance for intimacy.

p.s. I don't think the schools should be teaching abstinance. They shouldn't be teaching sex education at all. That's not what school is for.

I think you misunderstood my intent.  I was not saying that there is a right or wrong answer to this question.  I was saying exactly what you just said in a different way.  When there are two mutually exclusive possiblities (such that having tried one you cant try the other) there is no way for any person in one group to state that they have the right answer for everyone.  Each person must find what is right for themselves.  Since there can be no direct comparison there can be no definitive answer and everyone must find their own answer.  What is right for me may or may not be right for you and I cannot determine that only you can.

BTW if my opinion sucks (no pun intended) because I only have my experience of monogamy then why doesn't that hold true for you. You only have your experiences of promisuity. I, at least, have logic on my side.

I have no experience in promiscuity, unless your definition extends to pre-marital sex.  I only have the one partner, and while she has had several partners in the past, she's with me because it's where she wants to be. Where's the lack of intimacy in that?

phew....I'm glad that a mod is OK with calling someone a "sanctimonious prick" in leu of perhaps debating the merits of macman's opinion.

You know that if I started editing personal attacks in MiniThink then I'd never get to leave the place

Very true.  Despite the reputation, I see ten times more personal attacks here than I do at fubar.  Easily.

That's because you aren't on the receiving end.

I had one girlfriend in highschool. We dated for two years. We held hands, we kissed, we shared emotions and we broke up. In contrast, my wife never dated anyone. The first time she held a guys hand was with me. The first guy she ever kissed was me on our wedding day. I regret ever dating that girl in highschool. I wish I could give my wife as much as she gave me. I never realized how dirty my past was until I was so close to such purity. There is intimacy on so many levels because of how much we saved for each other.

I don't even know what to say to that.

I'm sorry it offends you, but there are right ways to do things. I've found that way.

That sums up what I find wrong with your attitude. I don't beleive there is one right way. I have one partner, and I love her deeply. I've had other partners in the past, including one marriage. She hasn't been with anyone but me, but I wouldn't love her any less if she had, and she doesn't love me any less because I have. Neither of us is "promiscuous."

I do have to say that while I don't think either abstinence or experience is "the right way," I find your particular attitude troublling. It seems to place entirely too much emphasis on the sex act, and not nearly enough on finding emotional closeness and bonding with someone you love. With any partner I've had, I've always emphasized who they are over what they've done. If I had to choose, I'd have to say that is the right way.

That's not really appropriate for what's supposed to be a serious discussion. I've removed the quoted article and will remove the link if anyone requests it.

Certainly doesn't describe my wedding night, but a funny article non the less.

Its from the book 1984, some get the reference, some dont. You must not.

I've read the book. 

Aplogies, I didn't realize that some people actually enjoyed a board where their comments are censored and where 'topics' are over-moderated so that they can stay 'on topic.'

Its from the book 1984, some get the reference, some dont. You must not.

I've read the book. 

Aplogies, I didn't realize that some people actually enjoyed a board where their comments are censored and where 'topics' are over-moderated so that they can stay 'on topic.'

Minithink Overmoderated