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This is a situation where your husband is going to have to strap on his manhood and set his foot down with his mom. It doesn't sound like he's doing a lot here, and it isn't fair of him to leave it to you to handle his mother. Lay off the mom, and lay it on your husband to do something.

iBubba wrote:

nannyandnutro wrote:

Very wise indeed.  However, today is a thrilling day because my husband got a very unlikely but lucrative promotion which will allow us to move closer to work.  She ain't following us, we both agreed.  If she lights a single cigarette in our home as we try to sell it....she might want to commit suicide before I get to her lazy ass self.  I'm still supremely annoyed by her presence and ridiculous behavior...but WOOHOO!  It's a good day after all! 

*Just playing the role of Devil's Advocate*

If your husband is so willing to agree that she ain't following, then where has your partner in the bad cop/bad cop routine been up to now?

Being a little momma's boy.

HOUSE FOR SALE: lots of amenities including one mother-in-law. 

nannyandnutro wrote:

She's now looking for a motel where she can spend some "downtime" and smoke in front of the TV.  What did she think we were going to do?  "Ohhh, please please please stay and stink up our home some more!"  I wish I had it so bad as her.

it is good to be nannyandnutro right noww, methinks...

nannyandnutro wrote:

iBubba wrote:

nannyandnutro wrote:

She's now looking for a motel where she can spend some "downtime" and smoke in front of the TV.  What did she think we were going to do?  "Ohhh, please please please stay and stink up our home some more!"  I wish I had it so bad as her.

it is good to be nannyandnutro right noww, methinks...

I suppose you're being sarcastic.  She's now about to quit her job because the office politics are too much for her to handle. Ummm, why is it that a woman twice my age understands so much less than I?

Actually, no sarcasm intended, I really think things are turning around for you. After all, she [b]is[/i] going away, right!?

I feel for ya. Good luck. You have a good chance here. Don't let him go 'wobbly' on you!
I thank God that I have a great MIL. My FIL is a real downer but they are both 13 hrs away by car.

These are all things I know, trust me.  We all had a horrible weekend even though I just stood on the sidelines as they fought.  She went down to a car dealership DEMANDING that they give her a car in trade for her 1984 Olds even though she's only had a job for six weeks.  Of course, she came back pissed at the world when they turned her down.  I tried to explain to her that would happen.  Now she's back to thinking everyone's out to get her.  She also continues to smoke like a freight train both in and out of the house.  I woke up at midnight and smelled it coming from her room; she also dumped about 200 cigarette butts in our kitchen trash stinking up the whole house. Disrespectful.  My husband won't rock the boat but I have our home's resale value to think about.  Should I write a note?  Somehow she thinks cheap candles from Dollar General hide what she's doing which just adds insult to injury.

She pulled out the suicide card this weekend while her two younger daughters were at the house (17 and 19) scaring all three of her children.  It sounds awful and I'd only say it here-but what does she contribute to their lives that is positive? Or society for that matter?  I'm not saying she should commit suicide, but why does the idea scare them so much?

Debbie is right.

The real problem is your husband. He needs to be a man! Not a little boy. He may not be able to control the actions of his mother, but he has no right nor responsibility to bring that into his house and destroy his home. I don't recall you saying if you had children or not. If not, I suggest that you separate from your husband until he is willing to kick out his mom or put her in line. He is cheating on you.

"For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife..."
Mark 10:7

"Honor your father and mother..."
Ex 20:12

Your husband is not honoring his mother by letting her be this burden on family and society. If he honored her, he would help her to get her life straight instead of being the enabler to her destruction. And sometimes the only way to help someone is to let them fall on their own so that they may be rescued when they've learned the hard way.

"deliver such a one to Satan for the destruction of the flesh, that his spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus."
1 cor 5:5

P.S.
What she does with her life is her responsibility. If suicide happens, that is her choice and neither you nor your huaband would be responsible in any way.

Nannyandnutro: Speaking for myselfl -- though I think the Pastor would agree -- the reason we're suggesting what we are is that we WANT your marriage to succeed, not fail.

I just don't see how what you suggest would be a positive for my marriage, that's all.  Not that his mom being here is either-if I didn't have Route 44 diet cokes from Sonic and the occasional cigarette my head would have exploded by now.  Oh, and the ability to vent here helps too.  Thanks.

No. Lousy advice.

Nanny's husband wouldn't be unnecessarily mean. Nanny is not supposed to do anything -- neither accomodating nor punitive. She is just not supposed to let herself be taken advantage of. She is not supposed to hurt the mother of the man she loves. He is not supposed to let his mother hurt the woman he loves.  That's why she may have to separate temporarily and amicably until he finds a way to get his mother out of their marriage. I doubt that it will take long for him to get Nanny back and Momma where she's better off.

Last edited by debbiedowner (2005-07-06 8:56 pm)

I see both of your points.  I did have a rotten idea that has made me feel better-placing an unnecessarily loud smoke detector in the bathroom, for her safety of course.  My mom would never pull anything like this.  We're not exactly on the best of terms, but she was in a situation where she kicked out an abusive husband and raised three kids on her own. His mom? Dumped the kids off at dad's after the divorce and disappeared for months.  My mom could have taken the MIL's route and sponged off of others until the world gave her what she imagines she deserves.  We never once saw welfare or food stamps.  Now, she owns several houses and is getting ready to buy another.  She saw adversity and turned it around.   I would be very upset at myself were I nearing fifty and barely owned a running car...living with my CHILDREN.

Now she's got a for sale sign in her car. Is she going to use the money to pay us back for the purchase?  Nah.  I know she plans to have us cart her to work 30 minutes in the opposite direction of where need to go.  We can't do it.  I was trying to show her some different cars, telling her what our 2000 Camry was worth for comparative purposes, maybe she could get something similar since she likes that car so much?  "No, I DESERVE something newer than that, and I have to have a sunroof."  She marched down to a full fledged dealership armed with horrible credit, her barely running 20 year old car, and six weeks on the job with a temp agency.  She said she'd just explain herself and get a car.  She comes back hours later cursing the mean salesman who wouldn't do anything for her after running her credit.  How dare he, right?

macnuke wrote:

get her one with a sunroof..
then tell her that her new home has an atrium.
pack her crap in it and send her down the road.

life is hard enough without people like that in it.

Thanks, I laughed hard enough over your post to wake the baby up.