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As I cannot understand anything being said, I was very confused and stopped watching after a few minutes. You could try to subtitle (Though it is a HUGE pain without proper software).
As you are a newbie, this may sting a bit, but it is all part of the learning process (You should have heard how one of my first projects was ripped apart!)

The ambition and potential is there, but you will have to work on some stuff (As we all do/have/will).

- The jerky camera movement right off the bat was very noticable, smooth camera movement is very important if you are doing a pan like this. Play with the tension settings on your tripod to work this a bit better.

- You need to work on your framing, you are using a lot of standard wide shots with zooming for movement. This will come with practice, don't worry (Check out the Book Shot by Shot, while it deals mostly with Film, the process and framing is similar and will teach you a lot).

- The noise you are getting is most likely from vibration from the metal pole. Try wrapping a sock around it where the Mic is, as well where the hands will be holding it. Should help to being down the sound a bit.

As I only watche dthe first few minutes, I cannot really offer much more (My mind wanders when I don't understand what is going on!), other than keep at it! I prefer not to show people some of my early work, mainly because it looks and sounds terrible, but it will get better! Check out my forum, you will find LOTS of useful information not only about FCP but Filmmaking in general (Especially on a budget, or lack there of!)  Keep it up!

lieven wrote:

The framing also improves after a while, but is still kinda 'standard'... one OTS shot, and one overview. That's mostly because of the lack of time... Some of the conversations weren't written out, so the actors had to improvise a little.. This gave us no other option than shooting the whole conversation with 2 camera's at once, limiting us to 2 viewpoints...

In that case, you could start out rather wide - head, shoulders, and chest.  Then, at different times, each camera op can zoom in a bit for tighter framing.  I say at different times, because you can cover this zooming in the edit by showing the other camera during the zoom.  In the final cut, it looks like you were able to stop and start to reframe your shots.  Of course this takes a bit of planning and good non-verbal communication between your crew, but even one such close-in can help bring some variety to your next project.