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Same thing happened to me last year, I even had the loudmouth friend that said "Hey, did so-and-so tell you about her new boy interest?"  And I was like "Why the smurf would I want to know about that, thank you very much smurf."

Suck as though it did, girls just don't know how to be up front in breakups in my experience, they try to sugarcoat everything with half-truths and bullsmurf.  It seems as though they don't know how much better being upfront is for both parties.

Even if she did use the padded lines to soften the breakup, she could still genuinly want to be friends. I've always preffered to remain friendly with the guys I've dated - mostly just because they were all great guys but it just didn't work out for some reason or another. Guys are the ones who have issues with remaining friends, hah. And being blunt has its downsides too — for example, would you rather be told to your face you're a bad kisser or would you like to go your whole life ignorant bliss?

And by the way, not all girls are "in love" with the first courtship stage of relationships. Obviously you just haven't met any girls worth your time yet.

And sometimes you just meet someone new. And things really click — it's not like you are obligated to stay out of a relationship for a set amount of time before entering a new one.

Not all girls are manipulative, lying weasels.

I don't see why he's so upset/surprised about the whole thing. So she did something he didn't like. There is nothing obligating him to stay friends or think about her or do anything concerning her anymore.

(end sticking up for my gender rant)

Last edited by keprydak (2006-09-21 9:46 am)

Aqua Man wrote:

Same thing happened to me last year, I even had the loudmouth friend that said "Hey, did so-and-so tell you about her new boy interest?"  And I was like "Why the smurf would I want to know about that, thank you very much smurf."

Suck as though it did, girls just don't know how to be up front in breakups in my experience, they try to sugarcoat everything with half-truths and bullsmurf.  It seems as though they don't know how much better being upfront is for both parties.

haha, i've heard those stories too.  after a breakup, guys don't want to hear any of that crap about whatever the girl is doing, especially about their new guy.  it's pretty much mutual on both sides, but the girl usually just responds by going out and finding the "rebound".  girls are always afraid of hurting someone, yet they'll do everything to spite you if you merit it.

The reason boys and girls these days don't see eye to eye is because they don't want to. Everyone wants to be selfish and not compromise in this day and age.

And besides, as cold and manipulative as girls are, guys can be just as bad. They aren't only victims.

yankees4life wrote:

a friend of mine recently broke up with his girlfriend a few weeks ago and i ended up being the ear he wanted to talk to all night about what happened.  anyway, he told me that she wanted to be by herself so she could concentrate on her life, or something like that, but she still really cares for him and wants to be friends.

anyway, the surprising part, she's already in a new relationship.  being the kind of guy that i am, sometimes overly blunt, i told him she's lying through her teeth to him and she just didn't care about him anymore and he's wasting his time with the confused girl.  i already know girls are fickle and they're in love with that "courting/meeting a new guy for the first time" stage of a relationship, so that kind of crap doesn't surprise me.

although he seemed to understand where i'm coming from, he seemed to want a second opinion so i decided to post it here and get some other people's perspective on the situation.  with that said, fire away.

As far as I see it, there's nothing wrong with keeping a friendship. It's possible that whole "let's be friends" thing is bullsmurf to keep from hurting his feelings. If that's the case, it'll become fairly obvious and he can just let the friendship slide. Just play it by ear and be

_Nik

keprydak wrote:

The reason boys and girls these days don't see eye to eye is because they don't want to. Everyone wants to be selfish and not compromise in this day and age.

And besides, as cold and manipulative as girls are, guys can be just as bad. They aren't only victims.

i don't agree with that simply because they would never get together in the first place if they never saw eye to eye at all.  but everyone's selfish to some extent, so that part is true, but the difference is that when you're in a real, long-term relationship, there's actual compromise that happens all the time.

yeah, guys can be as cold as girls are, but we're not good at it.  girls can cheat behind a guy's back for years and the guy would never know because a girl knows how to plan and keep her tracks.  a guy would cheat with the girl right across the street and then be completely blown away when his significant other finds out what was going on, while he's oblivious to the fact that his wife could be with her husband.  that's what makes guys more of a victim in most cases... they never saw it coming.

Ice Cream Man wrote:

GreenAlge wrote:

As far as I see it, there's nothing wrong with keeping a friendship. It's possible that whole "let's be friends" thing is bullsmurf to keep from hurting his feelings. If that's the case, it'll become fairly obvious and he can just let the friendship slide. Just play it by ear and be

_Nik

Yes, but the evidence says that she's full of it. Why? because she contradicts herself. On one hand she's claiming she needs some proverbial 'me time', and then she turns around and takes on a new interest. Which is more work than keeping the guy she had. She's playing him! She's a cold hard player, plain and simple. And yes I am a proverbial "player" "hater".  Why would you want to stay "friends" with some one who lied to you. I would rather have heard her say. "I'm bored with you, and I'm moving on" I like honesty so I know where I stand. Not this soft 'white lie' crap.  A lie, is a Lie, is a LIE! There are no two ways about it.

By nature women are practical, men are idealists. I mean sure, during puberty they are physically more mature. But when it comes to emotions, and honestly men are on top.

Also women actually cheat more than men. Just ask Cosmo. They proved it.
http://magazines.ivillage.com/cosmopoli … 71,00.html

I quote Madeliene Kahn (as Mrs. White) in "Clue"
"Men should be like tissue: soft, strong, and disposable."    this is what many women, especially young women seem to believe.

I for one am sick of it, and am glad I found a more mature woman. whom I will be marrying shortly.

you hit it square on the nose, man.  you could have used only one line out of your whole post and it still would have been just as effective:  "why would you want to stay "friends" with some one who lied to you?"

that's where that sugarcoating crap comes in because girls don't want to hurt your feelings so they'll tell you some bull in order to get out of an ugly situation and then act as though nothing happened.  the "me time" to another relationship just gives the appearance of a bold faced lie, even if someone was to move on and find someone else that they immediately found to be themselves to be interested in.  if they were just honest about it and told the blunt truth, at least they'd know and if they can't get over it, then that just means they're weak in my opinion.  the world's a bitch and then you die.

anyway, good post and congrats on getting married, whenever you eventually do.  make sure you're in for the long haul.

keprydak wrote:

yankees4life wrote:

yeah, guys can be as cold as girls are, but we're not good at it.  girls can cheat behind a guy's back for years and the guy would never know because a girl knows how to plan and keep her tracks.  a guy would cheat with the girl right across the street and then be completely blown away when his significant other finds out what was going on, while he's oblivious to the fact that his wife could be with her husband.  that's what makes guys more of a victim in most cases... they never saw it coming.

Sooo what you're saying is... Guys do stupid smurf and they don't know it so I should feel sorry for them? Buck up kid and get on with your life.

And if you're with a girl who cheats... well it's your fault for picking a stupid girl.

Basically it seems like to me guys want all the benefits of a relationship without taking the time to make a worthwhile choice - so they waste time and heartache on worthless girls and then get discouraged and complain about it.

By that same token the exact same stands true for the opposite gender. And I'm not just being contrary, I've seen the exact same on the other side.

Ex.
Sooo what you're saying is... Girls do stupid smurf and they don't know it so I should feel sorry for them? Buck up kid and get on with your life.

And if you're with a guy who cheats... well it's your fault for picking a stupid guy.

Basically it seems like to me girls want all the benefits of a relationship without taking the time to make a worthwhile choice - so they waste time and heartache on worthless guys and then get discouraged and complain about it

keprydak wrote:

Sooo what you're saying is... Guys do stupid smurf and they don't know it so I should feel sorry for them? Buck up kid and get on with your life.

And if you're with a girl who cheats... well it's your fault for picking a stupid girl.

Basically it seems like to me guys want all the benefits of a relationship without taking the time to make a worthwhile choice - so they waste time and heartache on worthless girls and then get discouraged and complain about it.

both genders do stupid stuff and neither deserves sympathy for it.  as for either person winding up with someone that cheats, you can't say that's someone's fault unless you're getting with the person that left someone for you.  what goes around comes around and if you still someone's girl/boy friend, you're going to eventually get what you deserve.  but for someone that just finds someone new, it's not like they get a resume on them and know they're capable of cheating on them.

girls are just as liable for making those kinds of decisions with a guy because girls get in relationships with guys that treat them like crap and then turn around complain to the world about it and expect someone to feel sympathy for them.  it's the same thing, just based on a different principle.

yankees4life wrote:

both genders do stupid stuff and neither deserves sympathy for it.  as for either person winding up with someone that cheats, you can't say that's someone's fault unless you're getting with the person that left someone for you.  what goes around comes around and if you still someone's girl/boy friend, you're going to eventually get what you deserve.  but for someone that just finds someone new, it's not like they get a resume on them and know they're capable of cheating on them.

girls are just as liable for making those kinds of decisions with a guy because girls get in relationships with guys that treat them like crap and then turn around complain to the world about it and expect someone to feel sympathy for them.  it's the same thing, just based on a different principle.

The only beef I am really having with this whole argument is that this entire time you have been lumping "girls" together. Not every girl constantly needs attention, not every girl does smurfy stuff to her boyfriend behind his back, not every girl is conceited and selfish.

It is stupid to lump all girls together in the same catagory -  it's not like we're being brainwashed at birth to make men feel stupid and hurt them. You just have to learn to sort out the ones that are more worthwhile from the ones that just want to use you.

And yes, you can turn this right back around on me and say that Well Girls should learn to pick the good ones and not every guy is a stupid dope who just wants a pretty thing on his arm.

The thing is - I've learned to sort the good boys from the bad ones... and apparently most guys don't know how to sort the good girls out of the pack. Life's unfair that way.

Ice Cream Man wrote:

Lock your self in your parent's basement, and live out your life as a single townie working at Mid-evil Times.  And the only inter action with the opposite gender you ever have is thru internet porn. Then you never get dumped,...........right?!


(I do not condone the use of porn though)

of course.  that's the only solution.

yankees4life wrote:

girls can always try to avoid the common mold, but they all usually fall into the hole at some point in some way.  any girl that says she doesn't want attenion is telling you a complete lie.  i never said all girls are going to do something behind a guy's back, i just said they're just as capable of it, in fact even better at doing it and getting away with it.  girls don't get brainwashed into being like they are... they're born with those skills.

No, sorry. I am still going to have to disagree with you there. I am, for a fact, incapable of lying. Well, I suppose I could do it, but I have such a guilt complex, that within 30 minutes of telling a lie (even small white lies) that I become irrevocably ill until I tell the truth. Since I hate being sick more than I hate anatomy class (which is something I utterly despire) I don't lie.

I think guys like the idea that girls fall in to that catagory "at one point or another" so it can be something for them to blame to make up for their ineptitude at something. Because it's America and we can't blame ourselves for anything, it's always someone else's fault, of course.

I'm sorry you're obviously kinda bitter about the whole relationship thing - hopefully you'll find someone worthwhile one day and you'll see what I'm talking about.