Not every hardware hack is a productivity booster. Here, for example, is a rat-mouse and a USB-GI.

 

WHAT YOU NEED
> Action figure
> Rubber rat
> USB thumb drive
> Expendable Apple Pro Mouse (the one-button variety)
> Strong adhesive (hot-glue gun, spray mount, duct tape, or rubber cement)
> Sharp knife or X-Acto blade
> Quick-dry modeling clay
> Pencil with eraser

 

Did the holidays leave you with another case of fruitcake-induced indigestion and a pile of dumb toys somebody mistakenly thought you'd like? Or are you still scrambling to create some unique, heartfelt (and belated) homemade gifts for the folks back in Fargo? Good. Here's how to turn a USB flash drive into a fun-filled action figure and transform your leftover one-button mouse into a rubber rat. Mind you, these are just the toys we had lying around - a Barbie doll or rubber chicken would probably work just as well.

 

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Part 1/Step 1: Doll Up Your USB Drive/Off with His Head!

 

USB flash drives are everywhere, and we can think of plenty of places to cram them. But in the interests of family fun and entertainment, we'll just show you how to rip off an action figure's head and stuff the drive down his neck. First, pop off the head, and bore the inside of the body with an X-Acto blade or sharp pocketknife until the cap of the USB drive fits snugly inside-be careful not to dig too deep. Now insert the cap of the USB drive into body of the doll - if your doll is hollow, wrap duct tape around the cap to make it fit. If you'd rather put the drive's cap in the doll's head, feel free to do so-just reverse these instructions.

 

Steady, now...

 

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Part 1/Step 2: Amateur Chiropractic

 

Now give the head the same treatment - bore it out until you can insert the drive (be careful not to go too far, or you'll probably need extra tape). Make sure to seat the USB drive at the right depth in the doll's head so that the drive and its cap fit together securely - that way, your new storage buddy won't lose his head. If either piece feels loose in the doll, remove it and apply liberal amounts of glue (we prefer to use a hot-glue gun). Let the glue set for five to 10 minutes, and then place the USB drive pieces in their respective body parts. Gently put the head/drive on the body/cap, and tweak the cap and/or drive placement until the head and neck fit together somewhat naturally - just don't push too hard until the glue dries.

 

Make sure to leave the drive exposed enough that you can use its USB connector.

 

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Part 2/Step 1: Make Your Mouse a Mighty Rodent/Flay the Prey

 

Now that Santa brought you a real (multibutton) mouse, you can turn your old Apple Pro jobbie into the rat that it is. This hack works on most any mouse - if you're using a non-Apple mouse, you'll usually find screws under the footpads on the bottom; remove them to open the mouse.

 

On the one-button Apple Pro Mouse, wedge a screwdriver or other stiff, slim tool into the seam where the flat white bottom sled meets the clear-plastic upper piece, and pry the mouse apart. Don't worry about breaking the top pieces - it's the bottom flat piece you want, as it contains the important bits (the USB cord, button switch, optical sensor, and lens). Keep in mind that the lens is usually attached to the bottom sled rather than to the circuit board, and the lens needs to be positioned just so relative to the sensor, or the mouse won't function.

 

Unless you need a new soap dish, don't worry about thrashing the upper pieces.

 

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Part 2/Step 2: Slap It on the Sled

 

Since we found the perfectly sized and shaped rat - her feet are far enough apart to straddle the mouse sled, and her belly hangs all the way to the ground to accommodate most of the mouse's original hardware - all we had to do is cut out the belly to make room for the sled and its electronics. The rat's belly is expendable here, so start your hole small - it's much easier to cut plastic away than it is to put it back. You still need to access the rat's insides, so don't glue anything yet.

 

No actual rats were harmed in the hacking of this mouse.

 

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Part 2/Step 3: Build the Button

 

Now comes the trickiest part: extending the delicate button switch on the circuit board so that you can trigger it by pressing the top of the rat's back. To accomplish this feat, you'll be gluing a pencil inside the rat, positioned so that pressing on the rat's back triggers the mouse-button switch below.

 

Use your X-Acto to cut a nickel-size hole in the rat's back directly above the circuit board's button switch. (You'll reattach this piece as the button, so cut carefully, and don't lose the piece.) Now grab a pencil, poke the eraser end into the button hole you just cut, and click the switch a few times to get a feel for it. Now rest the pencil on the switch, and-making sure the switch is not pressed - mark the pencil at the point where it comes out the rat's back. Cut the pencil to that length.

 

If this part's too tricky, you can cut a smaller hole and just let the pencil stick up through it.

 

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Part 2/Step 4: Seal the Deal

 

Now glue the pencil to the underside of the button piece you cut from the rat's back. Let it dry completely. With the pencil attached, put the piece you cut out back into the hole, and flip the rat onto its back. Tape the button piece back where it was before you cut it out, using copious amounts of duct tape on the inside of the rat to secure it in place. Remember the button has to trigger the switch, so precision is key. Finally, glue the rat's body to the mouse sled, taking extra care to keep the pencil/button rig aligned correctly. Now that's one righteous rat!

 

If the pencil doesn't hit the switch, convince it with some more duct tape.

 

BONUS TIP: Plug Relocation
When stuffing computer peripherals into toys, you may need to route a cable through an opening that's smaller than the cable's plug. The neatest way to accomplish this is to sever and then rebuild the cable. Cut the plug end off of the cable, run the cable where you want it, and then splice its wires back together, hiding the splice inside the vessel. You could also go all out and carefully remove the plug from the cable, snake the cable where you want it, and solder the plug back on - obviously, take extra care to note which wire goes where in the plug assembly. If you're splicing wires, you can just match up the colors.