Batman is the sole protector of Gotham City, the last line of defense between its hapless citizenry and fiends like the Joker, the Penguin and the Riddler. But what Batman has in grit and combat ability, he lacks in stylish computing power. Enter Apple to help the Dark Knight not only vanquish crime, but look good dong it. So what’s the Dark Knight missing from his utility belt?

iPhone: With an always-on connection to Gotham’s 3G network, GPS, and a built in MP3 Player, one has to wonder what use Alfred is anymore.

 

Jonathan Ive’s design sense: Sure, the Batmobile is a formidable tank... but it’s sort of boxy and ugly. And it tends to crash, just like Windows. With Mr. Ive at the helm, Batman’s ride will be sleeker and friendlier to the eye.

 

iPod Classic: Those late night patrols over Gotham’s skyline will certainly go faster with 160GB worth of music to speed things along.

 

Newton: It’s the ultimate secret code generator, since no one could ever get it to actually recognize their handwriting.

 

XSAN cluster: Maintaining a database of Gotham’s burgeoning criminal underworld takes real computing power, the kind that only Apple’s high-end scientific computing solutions can offer. If you’re Bruce Wayne, millionaire playboy, why not go for the best?

 

Final Cut Studio: Under the cowl and cape, Batman’s probably recording all his best moves and putting them on YouTube. Might as well do so with the best suite of tools available.

 

Aperture: Batman likely has reams of photographic evidence of criminal wrongdoing from his years of detective work, and it only makes sense that he should be able to organize it as efficiently as possible.

 

An Apple II: Batman’s been around long enough that this museum piece was likely once his crime computer. Time to pull it out of the closet and use it to play some Castle Wolfenstein and Hard Hat Mack after a long night of crime fighting.

 

MobileMe: If anyone needs to keep his busy schedule synced, it’s Batman.

With this arsenal of Apple products hanging from his belt, Batman will at last be able to claim the title of “World’s Coolest Superhero” from that other fellow in Metropolis. Besides, doesn’t Superman look like the kind of guy who runs Vista anyway?