The Mac Expo show guide described film director Kevin Smith's feature presentation as a chance to "share his wry perspective on the film business, its quirks, and what it takes to stick with it." What we actually got was a profanity-filled Q&A session that would make your Mom blush. Smith's films include Chasing Amy, Dogma, Clerks, Clerks 2, and Jersey Girl. And he loves the Mac.

While Smith didn't offer any deep insights or opinions about the Macintosh during his presentation, he did entertain the crowd with his tales of youth, his body image, film making, and popular culture. His presentation was a nice change of pace from the rigors of another Mac Expo. Here are a few quotes from Smith's session that had the crowd rolling.

"I'm a total Mac whore. That's why I'm here. I'm looking for some free s***."—In response to being asked about his Mac addiction.

"I've always had a talent for growing facial hair. Some may say it's my only talent."—In response to a question about growing facial hair.

"Following Gigli didn't help."—Both Gigli and Jersey Girl starred Ben Affleck.

"It felt like the industry collectively said, 'Stop making pictures.'"—Smith's take on his recent roles as an actor.

"Sometimes I meet people and they're like, 'You can talk?' And I'm like, 'It's a f****n' character, man!' Do people really think Johnny Depp has scissors for hands?"—In response to a question about going on casting calls.

"Had [Clerks] not been picked up, I'd still be at Quick Stop. In many ways, it was the best job I ever had."—On making his first movie.

"I just think the PC is kinda weird and stupid."—Why Smith likes Macs.

"I really should just make [movies] straight to DVD. Me and Shannon Tweed."—A comment about Smith's successful DVD sales.

"I grew up fat. My sense of humor came from that place."