This eagle is about to steal my baby.

What better way to spend a commute than reliving the ultimate commute, pioneers’ deadly journey from Independence, Missouri, to Oregon? Now that Gameloft’s brought adventure classic The Oregon Trail to the App Store, you can.

The game is pretty straightforward and linear, requiring nearly no skill. Minigames have you tap the screen to hunt game, catch fish, pick berries, send telegrams, pan for gold, and maneuver your wagon down raging rivers, but mostly you just trudge down the trail, balancing your desire to go faster against the risk that little Timmy will break his leg again. There’s only so much you can do to succeed, too—we tried to be ultra-cautious, and our baby was carried away by an eagle. Seriously, an eagle.

You do get to make some choices, mostly in resource management, and the game has two endings for some replay value. The graphics and sound are pretty adorable, down to funny details like the kids whining, “Are we there yet?” And the loading screens include some educational trivia, but the sheer number and length of the loading screens turned us off. By the time we got to Oregon we weren’t exactly eager to start the trek again. (Pretty realistic in that sense, huh?)

He sure was.

In the fishing minigame, you can hook supplies as well as fish. The boots aren't considered useful, which is silly since we're, um, walking to Oregon here.

When you stop at forts, you can play this telegraph minigame (repeating the pattern, like Simon) for cash money.

Fix your wagon by tapping the nails when the circle around them in green. Nice 'stashe, by the way.

The quintessential dilemma we remember from playing this in the '80s: Ford the river? Or...

...take the ferry? Or...

...float down the river, using the currents to guide you and watching out for obstacles? Or...

...just hire a nice man to help?