Beauty is in the eye of the beholder - or so we've been told.

 

WHAT YOU NEED

Mac OS 10.3 or later ($129, www.apple.com)
ShapeShifter ($20, www.unsanity.com)
Mac OS XP 2.5 (free, www.maxthemes.com)
Mighty Mouse ($10, www.unsanity.com)
Windows-ish cursor (free, www.resexcellence.com)
Macintosh Explorer OS X ($15.95, www.ragesw.com)
Barf bags ($4.95 for a pack of five, www.sicksaver.com)

 

Mac OS X's interface is beautiful, but some folks find it distracting. To help you keep focused on your work instead of Aqua, here's how to make OS X look like one of the ugliest interfaces ever: that of Windows XP.

 

---

Step 1: Deface Your Desktop

 

To shield yourself from OS X's blinding beauty, install ShapeShifter ($20, demo at www.unsanity.com); restart or log out, and then log back in again. To Windowcize your Mac, download the Mac OS XP 2.5 theme (free, www.maxthemes.com/themes), and double-click Mac OS XP 2.5 and Mac OS XP Icons to load them into ShapeShifter. Go to System Preferences > ShapeShifter, click the Apply tab, and select Mac OS XP 2.5 under Themes and Mac OS XP Icons under Icon Sets. Click Apply Changes, log out and back in, and watch OS X uglify before your very eyes.

 

Use ShapeShifter to fend off the Siren song of Aqua.

 

---

Step 2: Curse the Cursor

 

Windows uses a white mouse cursor-presumably just to be contrarian, since the Mac uses a black one. To give OS X's cursor that new Windows smell, install the ShapeShifter plug-in Mighty Mouse ($10, www.unsanity.com), download the Windows-ish cursor set (free from www.resexcellence.com/cursors), and double-click the Windows-ish.MightyMouse file. Click the Apply tab in System Preferences > ShapeShifter, change the Cursor Sets option to Windows-ish, and click Apply Changes.

 

 

 

---

Step 3: Fiddle with the Finder:

 

Obviously, Mac OS X's Finder is no Windows Explorer. Using something as simple and efficient as the Finder can often be a challenge to Windozian folks. Luckily, Rage Software has developed a Windows Explorer-like Finder replacement for Mac OS X called Macintosh Explorer ($15.95, demo at www.ragesw.com). It has many features similar to its Windows counterpart, such as sub-hierarchal menus, two-pane file browsing, and painful usability, but thankfully, it also has a suite of other doohickeys (such as tabbed windows) that make it a viable-dare we say tempting?-alternative to the Finder. Just keep in mind that Windows Explorer is its own app, not a Finder modification.

 

Getting used to Macintosh Explorer X can be a pain, but there are enough goodies to make it worth the effort.

 

---

Step 4: Move in for the Kill

 

After you have OS X looking like your grandma's PC, you'll want to finish it off with some final touches. First, select all of your desktop icons, drag them from the right side of your screen to the left, and select View > Clean Up. Second, In System Preferences > Appearance, select the At Top And Bottom option under Place Scroll Arrows to spread your navigation arrows apart. Third, hide your Dock by going to System Preferences' Dock panel and selecting Automatically Hide And Show The Dock. Finally, the Mac OS XP kit has a folder full of Windows desktops-drag your favorites into the Desktop Pictures section of ShapeShifter, and apply at will.

 

Failing to see the irony, Microsoft actually called this desktop "Bliss."