What Batman is Missing From His Utility Belt

Warren Frey — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 04:48:00 -0500

Batman is the sole protector of Gotham City, the last line of defense between its hapless citizenry and fiends like the Joker, the Penguin and the Riddler. But what Batman has in grit and combat ability, he lacks in stylish computing power. Enter Apple to help the Dark Knight not only vanquish crime, but look good dong it. So what’s the Dark Knight missing from his utility belt?

iPhone: With an always-on connection to Gotham’s 3G network, GPS, and a built in MP3 Player, one has to wonder what use Alfred is anymore.

Jonathan Ive’s design sense: Sure, the Batmobile is a formidable tank... but it’s sort of boxy and ugly. And it tends to crash, just like Windows. With Mr. Ive at the helm, Batman’s ride will be sleeker and friendlier to the eye.

iPod Classic: Those late night patrols over Gotham’s skyline will certainly go faster with 160GB worth of music to speed things along.

Newton: It’s the ultimate secret code generator, since no one could ever get it to actually recognize their handwriting.

XSAN cluster: Maintaining a database of Gotham’s burgeoning criminal underworld takes real computing power, the kind that only Apple’s high-end scientific computing solutions can offer. If you’re Bruce Wayne, millionaire playboy, why not go for the best?

Final Cut Studio: Under the cowl and cape, Batman’s probably recording all his best moves and putting them on YouTube. Might as well do so with the best suite of tools available.

Aperture: Batman likely has reams of photographic evidence of criminal wrongdoing from his years of detective work, and it only makes sense that he should be able to organize it as efficiently as possible.

An Apple II: Batman’s been around long enough that this museum piece was likely once his crime computer. Time to pull it out of the closet and use it to play some Castle Wolfenstein and Hard Hat Mack after a long night of crime fighting.

MobileMe: If anyone needs to keep his busy schedule synced, it’s Batman.

With this arsenal of Apple products hanging from his belt, Batman will at last be able to claim the title of “World’s Coolest Superhero” from that other fellow in Metropolis. Besides, doesn’t Superman look like the kind of guy who runs Vista anyway?

Batman vs. Steve Jobs

Lisa Weddle — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 11:33:35 -0500

On July 11, the new iPhone was released… one week later, Batman: The Dark Knight hits the theaters. Coincidence? Perhaps. But get this, if Bruce Wayne made a portable computer, wouldn’t it be called a BatBook? And if Apple built a car chances are it would be marketed as a MacMobile, right? Batbook/MacBook… MacMobile/Batmobile. Spooky.

Similarities aside, the time has never been more right to answer that eternal question: Quien es mas macho? It’s Batman vs. Steve Jobs!

The Gear:

Batman: Designs and builds his own devices in the Batcave with some help from Lucius Fox at Wayne Enterprises, but good luck trying to get your hands on a Batarang. The Bat is stingy and keeps all his brilliant gadgets for himself.

Steve Jobs: His stuff is designed in Cupertino, CA and mass-produced in China, because if you’re willing to stand in line and pay the price, Steve’s brilliant gadgets are available to any and all. Go Steve!

Steve Jobs > Batman

The Outfit:

Batman: Yeah, yeah, yeah… Bats is never going to live-down that unfortunate nipple episode. Really folks, get over it and check out that new suit! Batman’s armor loses some weight and gains a whole lot of whoop-ass.

Steve Jobs: Like the Dark Knight, black seems to work for him. But come on dude, that mock-turtleneck is so 1987! Fortunately, the mild California climate reduces the chances of nipple faux pas.

Batman > Steve Jobs

The Outfit as Potential Halloween Costume:

Batman: Sure, even your four-year old nephew is going to be donning a Bat Mask this year, but face it, the look is cool and the whole pirate thing is really over. As an added bonus, all that black will make it easier to sneak up on kids and steal their candy!

Steve Jobs: Okay… no. How many times do you want to be asked, “Who’re you supposed to be?” Even if a few people do figure it out, you’re still wearing a mock-turtleneck. Ew.

Batman > Steve Jobs

Quest For Enlightenment:

Batman: As a young man, Bruce traveled to the East in search of knowledge. He returned to Gotham to protect its citizens and destroy evil disguised as a ninja mouse with wings.

Steve Jobs: As a young man, Steve traveled to the East in search of knowledge. He returned to California to revolutionize the personal computer by inventing a plastic mouse with a button.

Batman = Steve Jobs

Size Matters:

Batman: Anyone who watches The Dark Knight IMAX will understand that Batman = BIG. With scenes shot with IMAX cameras, that opening scene created a roomful of “whoa!”s this weekend.

Steve Jobs: MacBook Air, the iPod Shuffle, the MacMini. In Steve’s world, smaller is not only better, but cooler as well. And we get to take this cool stuff home with us! Just don’t accidentally recycle that Air with the papers on your desk or throw that Shuffle in the laundry still clipped to your shirt. Trust me, it’s happened.

Steve Jobs > Batman

Secret Identity:

Batman: All crime fighting and no play makes Batman a real cranky guy (just ask Superman and Wonder Woman). But as billionaire playboy Bruce Wayne, it’s party time with hot cars and even hotter women!

Steve Jobs: When he’s not acting as Apple’s easy going, number one salesman, he’s still pushing Apple products… though, perhaps, not in such an easy going manner.

Batman > Steve Jobs

Nemeses:

Batman: The Joker and Scarecrow are some incredibly creepy forms of evil.

Steve Jobs: Dell Computers. Not so much creepy… just boring.

Batman > Steve Jobs

Controversy:

Batman: Gotham’s Finest has mixed feelings about the Dark Knight Detective. On the one hand he’s a vigilante that’s taken over their game. On the other hand… hmm… better switch on the Bat Signal!

Steve Jobs: There’s that little thing about Stock Options… but when it comes to Keynote Speeches, would Apple want anyone else?

Batman > Steve Jobs

Superpowers:

Batman: Endlessly watches for evil in the effort to keep us safe.

Steve Jobs: Has us endlessly watching for new Apple products to keep us happy.

Steve Jobs > Batman

Fan Fanaticism:

Batman: Arrive 2 1/2 hours ahead of time to be the first in line for The Dark Knight and get let into the theater 30 minutes before the show starts. Leave satisfied three hours later.

Steve Jobs: Arrive 12 hours ahead of time to be the first in line for an iPhone 3G and get let into the Apple Store 30 minutes after they were supposed to go on sale. Despite the Rip Van Winkle beard that grew as you waited for activation, leave satisfied with your shiny new iPhone.

Steve Jobs > Batman

Holy Bat/Mac Survey! According to my calculations, the answer is:

Batman es mas macho que Steve Jobs!

Disagree? Alright Smartypants, you’ve got an iPhone and just saw The Dark Knight… you answer the question!

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What Batman is Missing From His Utility Belt

Batman vs. Steve Jobs