25 Reasons Why Non-Mac Users Should Shut Their Damn Pie-Holes

Lisa Weddle — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 12:27:54 -0500

How was your summer? Did you spend it getting tan on the beach with your new iPhone by your side? Did you perfect your paleness by staying indoors and online with your friends on the MacLife.com forums?

Ah, this summer was a rollicking good time for Mac lovers - making new friends in the iPhone 3G lines, playing with all the new apps in the Apps Store, and getting together to crab about the bust that was, is MobileMe.

But now the season is winding down. Some will be heading back to school. Others, will head back to work. Back to the cruel, harsh world we go. A world populated by PC users who believe that Windows rocks and think that harping on and on about it, will make that deluded dream come true.

We know it won’t of course, that’s why we’ve created this list:

25 Reasons Why Non-Mac Users Should Shut Their Damn Pie-Holes

1. Big clunky, cumbersome towers stashed under the desk are so ʼ90s.

2. Not to mention just UGLY UGLY UGLY!

3. No, turning their machines into Satanʼs spawn (or any other case mod they can think of) does NOT make a PC tower any less UGLY.

4. Satanʼs spawn canʼt protect from viruses... the majority of which are written for PCs.

5. Four words: Blue Screen Of Death!

6. They need to wake up and join the new millennium - Macs run on Intel processors just like PCs... except better.

7. Do they really like to watch their computers reboot that much?

8. Cheaper... riiiiight... and how much do they spend on getting that thing ﬁxed and/or upgraded?

9. They gotta get an account with Terminix to deal with all those bugs in their apps! Hyuk yuk yuk!

10. “Plays For Sure”... doesnʼt really play, for sure.

11. Who wants to be bothered with arcane details like - what I/O port a peripheral is assigned to? When it comes to plug-and-play, Macs are the real deal!

12. Weʼve got more important things to do than play games all day.

13. They think they're special just because they have more USB ports. Jerks.

14. They never invite us to their LAN parties... WELL, SCREW LAN PARTIES! WE DONʼT WANT TO SOCIALIZE ON YOUR LOCAL AREA NETWORK ANYWAY!

15. Weʼve got better friends.

16. Almost every show on TV uses an iPhone. When's the last time Windows Mobile solved a CSI case?

17. Envy is one of the seven deadly sins you know.

18. PC stands for “politically correct”, which the classic American ﬁlm, PCU taught us is a lame, lame concept.

19. Not only are the products better, Apple has better ads than PCs too.

20. Hundreds waited in line for the Mac OS X Leopard release. Windows Vista line... not so long.

21. PC users still think the Mac mouse has only one button.

22. Speaking of mice... PC users might want to take a second and thank the success of the Macintosh for the one theyʼve got in their hands today. Yeah, you're welcome.

23. Gadgets are just Widget rip-offs. Do we have to think of everything for PCs to copy?

24. They get excited over “expandability” and “upgradeablility” - well, I hate to tell yaʼ, but most modern day Macs donʼt need any upgrade of their own. In fact, Macs have a longer computing life than most PCs. Just ask Robbie about the eight-year old G4 he uses at home to video edit with. When's the last time you saw an eight-year old PC do anything except crash?

25. The Eternal Shame of Windows Vista: ʻNuff said.

Add your own reasons why Windows users should shut-it in the comments below.

Mac|Life evangelism RSS Feed

25 Reasons Why Non-Mac Users Should Shut Their Damn Pie-Holes